


Reflections

by Leydhawk



Series: Reflections [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Kurt’s POV during Hummelholidays, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-02-24 10:04:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 30,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13211460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leydhawk/pseuds/Leydhawk
Summary: A repeat of the Hummelholidays prompts for the Kelliott story I wrote, this time from Kurt’s POV. The original Elliott POV parts will be included for continuity.





	1. Lights (Kurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Reflections, a continuation of my Hummelholidays Kelliott verse. I’m following the prompts from Kurt’s POV with the intention of posting daily, and then will have a finale. To help readers keep track of where we are in the timeline, I’m going to embed the Elliott POV one-shots before or after the Kurt parts, wherever makes the most sense in the narrative. I’ll put the Elliott in parentheses so you can skip them if you so desire.

Kurt had made dinner, eaten, and cleaned up. There wasn’t really much choice in letting anything pile up in his 334 square foot apartment. Three books and a sweater out of place and the entire room looked like a disaster. 

With everything tidy, Kurt settled at his 2-1/2 foot diameter table and started working on his school assignment. 

Then the power went out. 

Kurt called the super, peeking out into the hallway, his heart sinking when he saw the darkness there as well. 

The whole block was probably out, not his responsibility, blah blah blah. 

Kurt hung up. 

He really needed to get his design finished, but there was no way the battery on his ancient tablet would last using cellular to look at his reference material online. He needed wifi. 

Kurt considered the Starbucks two blocks over but knew that with open-mic night he wouldn’t be able to concentrate. He really didn’t want to go all the way back to school. 

Opening his contacts, he scrolled through and didn’t have to go far. Elliott Gilbert lived only a few stops away via the subway, and had always taken the unexpected in stride. 

And Kurt still had him in his Find Friends app, so he could see if Elliott was at home. 

Kurt waited for the app to ping Elliott’s phone and sighed in relief when the little rainbow peace sign with wings showed up, right in the apartment building Kurt had last visited... Well, several months ago, but friends were friends, right?

The thought made him swallow a little bitterness about all his high school friends who’d seemingly abandoned him, but shrugged it off. 

Elliott lived closer than any of them anyway.

((Elliott answered his door to find Kurt Hummel there, holding the handle of a compact rolling suitcase. 

“The power went out at my place. I was in the groove, working on a new design, and the lights just went out. I have to finish it for Monday so I’m staying on your couch, okay?”

Since their various bands had fizzled out, Elliott and Kurt kept in touch mostly by liking one another’s Facebook posts, so Elliott was definitely surprised to see Kurt. However, he was still a friend and Elliott would never abandon a friend in need, so he stepped aside and let Kurt pass. 

“Great. Okay. Thanks. So, what’s your wifi password?” Kurt breezed through and dropped into the comfy chair in which Elliott had been sitting, withdrawing a tablet and stylus from the outside pocket of his case and looking up expectantly as he opened the settings on the device. 

Elliott sighed and told him. 

Several hours and multiple shushings later, Kurt finally set his tools aside and smiled at Elliott, who had long since settled on his couch with a book. The death glare he’d received when he took up his guitar to practice had assured him that Kurt’s need for control and getting his own way hadn’t changed in the time they’d been estranged. 

“Well? Do I get the story now or what?” Elliott asked, half amused and half annoyed at the other man. 

“What story? I told you, I lost power.”

“And you came to a person you haven’t spoken to in eight months?”

Kurt huffed. “You could have said no, if you didn’t want me here.”

“Kurt, c’mon. Why me and not one of your close cadre?”

“I don’t... I don’t really have any close friends anymore. Not here in the city, anyway.”

Over cups of tea that switched to scotch when Kurt’s voice started quavering as he recounted the various fallings-out that he’d had with his former circle of friends, Elliott received enough information to bring a strong image of Kurt in a lonely tower to mind. 

“Don’t get me wrong, switching to design at Parsons was the right move for me, but everyone else is pursuing their performance or exhibitionist interests, and they all support each other and I’m just...”

“On your own. I get that. I’ve had some lone wolf times in my life, too.”

Kurt looked so relieved that Elliott’s heart gave a hard clench of sympathy. 

“Okay. Well, I’m going to bed,” Elliott declared. He indicated the quilt Kurt had drawn over his shoulders. “That be okay for bedding?”

“It’ll have to be, I suspect. You’re such a dude, I bet you don’t have spare bedding for guests.”

Elliott just rolled his eyes and kissed the top of Kurt’s head as he moved toward his bedroom. 

“See you in the morning, Kurt.”

“Goodnight, Ell.”))


	2. Baking (Kurt)

Kurt woke in a strange place and had to squint and think before he recalled that he’d spent the night on Elliott’s couch after using his former bandmate’s wifi to complete his school assignment. 

Yawning, he rose and used the bathroom, then headed for the kitchen, pursing his lips at the envy he felt over the small walk in space Elliott had for cooking. It was almost a totally different room, unlike his own ‘barely-more-than-kitchenette’ front wall. 

Kurt made coffee, and started nosing around while it brewed. Maybe he could make breakfast as a thank you for letting him crash. 

The array of available ingredients was decidedly odd, and Kurt had to get creative. But the batter looked like it would either be biscuit-like, or, with the addition of some of the vanilla whey protein powder he found, good for scones. So he shaped them into triangles and crossed his fingers. 

He was plating the finished product when Elliott wandered out. 

Kurt’s breath caught. 

They’d changed together backstage before and after performances when they were in the bands together, but Kurt did not remember Elliott looking like that. 

Elliott had put on some muscle, and his chest had a decent amount of hair over it. The tattoos on his arms were more extensive and Kurt found himself wanting to study them and ask what exactly they meant to his friend. Thank goodness Elliott was wearing pajama pants or Kurt might have drooled. 

They ate scones, drank coffee, and hung out (after Elliott had rather regrettably showered and dressed). 

Kurt was distinctly disappointed when his phone buzzed with a text that his power was back and he had no more excuse to stay. 

Maybe the impromptu visit would lead to seeing more of each other, Kurt thought with a smile at his own double entendres. 

((Elliott awoke to amazing smells. He was certain his tiny kitchen had never produced such scents in the years he’d lived in the apartment. He didn’t bother to put any additional clothes on beyond his loose sleep pants as he followed his nose out. 

“Scones. I had to improvise since you only had Bisquick and protein powder, but they still came out good,” Kurt announced. He passed Elliott a plate and a cup of coffee. 

“Mm. G’mornin’,” Elliott grunted. Kurt’s mouth quirked in amusement. 

“Are you a coffee zombie?”

“Nngh,” Elliott agreed, and took a hefty swig of the brew. It was prepared exactly how he liked it, and he nodded appreciatively. 

Kurt watched him expectantly, eyes that were far too bright and alert darting down to the pastry and back to Elliott’s. 

Obediently, Elliott took a bite and groaned. It was delicious. Kurt’s face lit up, and he took his own cup with him as he went to sit down, again taking Elliott’s favorite spot on his worn, overstuffed chair. 

Late that afternoon, when he received the text from his building manager letting him know his power had been restored, Kurt left with a kiss of gratitude on Elliott’s cheek. 

Elliott decided that Kurt was the best uninvited guest he’d ever had as he settled into his chair with his guitar to practice for class the following day.))


	3. Movies (Kurt)

Kurt and Elliott were becoming fast friends again. Maybe even closer than they’d been when they were in their bands, Pamela Lansbury and One Three Hill, together. 

Both busy with school, they had lots of text conversations as the weeks passed, and met up several times for coffee or dinner. It was no longer a shock for Kurt to receive multiple texts per day from someone other than his father, but they didn’t call each other as often, so Kurt when his phone rang insistently, he answered with surprise and even a little concern. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry. But I’ve got an assignment for a class I’d like your help with if you can get free tonight.”

“Oo, do tell. Something juicy?”

Elliott laughed. “You never know with these things. It’s a bunch of student films that the school is screening at an old theater near the campus. Could be gory-juicy, or sexy-juicy, or sobbing-juicy. Or it could be an hour or more of various colors of paint drying or something. You up for a night of the unknown?”

“Why not? I’m caught up for once and was thinking of suggesting we hit a club. This will at least be cheaper, right?”

“For sure, since it’s free,” Elliott said, laughing. “But we definitely need to expand our time together into other things. Next month I’m playing a gig at a frat house. Free drinks. Wanna come?”

“You had me at free drinks, after you nearly lost me at frat party. I am a starving college student after all.”

“Well tonight, meet me at 6:00, okay? I’ll text you the address.”

“I’ll be there,” Kurt sing-songed. 

((“I can’t believe your school actually rents this theater to show student films! This place is amazing. I come to every Audrey Hepburn film they play here,” Kurt exclaimed as he and Elliott settled into the worn velveteen of the seats in one of the oldest movie houses still in use in the city. 

Elliott looked at Kurt in fond exasperation and bit back a teasing remark about how stereotypical Kurt was. He’d seen how fragile Kurt’s positive moods could be and enjoyed the vivaciousness of happy Kurt far too much to risk bringing him down. 

“Thanks for coming with me. I get extra credit for writing reviews of two or more of these short films, and I’m sure you’ll have thoughts and opinions to bounce back and forth with me after. We are on for drinks tonight, right?”

“Sure, as long as we don’t stay out too late. I have to complete that dress in the morning before class tomorrow.”

“That one you were designing at my place? That was really beautiful. Very floaty.”

“Ooo, so technical! Maybe you should transfer schools, too!”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m saving my descriptors for my extra credit assignment.”

Kurt nudged his shoulder and smiled as the lights dimmed. Elliott couldn’t keep from smiling back, and enjoyed watching the movies with Kurt at his side.))


	4. Snow (Kurt)

Elliott was amazing. Zeta Psi was diverse and friendly and no one at the party seemed to care that Kurt was gay or that he wasn’t really interested in hooking up or that he didn’t go to their school. And they had the right ingredients and an accomplished mixologist who made a mean cosmopolitan. 

Kurt felt great. 

He danced to the sound of his best friend’s vocals over the heavy beat of the live drums and wail of the guitars. And a tray of yummy little Jell-o cups kept passing by, so Kurt had to try one of every color. 

Occasionally catching Elli’s eye, Kurt winked and blew kisses and danced and danced. 

Two (three?) cosmos and a half a dozen Jell-o cups later, Kurt was getting a little stumbly. The lights were flashing and kinda disorienting. Was there alcohol in the Jell-o? Kurt’s mind was running pretty slowly but he thought he remembered them being called shots, so...

And then his stomach started to rebel a bit. 

But there were two nice guys who took his arms and made promises about him feeling better and not having a hangover the next day if he just did a little ‘snow’ and snow was just frozen water and dehydration was what made hangovers, right? So that sort of made sense and they were so nice, everyone was so nice!

Then Elli was there and how perfect was that?! Elli was awesome. He was hot and good and awesome. 

And then they were leaving the party and Kurt didn’t really remember anything else. 

((Inviting Kurt to the frat party Elliott had been hired to perform at wasn’t supposed to end the way it did, but Elliott didn’t really regret it. 

Singing for over an hour, Elliott hadn’t been able to keep a close eye on Kurt and had been pleased it looked as if his friend was having a good time. The trays of Jell-O shots that passed all over the open plan main floor of the frat house were obviously having an effect on Kurt, who eventually began dancing hypnotically all alone, eyes closed, arms raised. 

The loose-limbed grace of Kurt’s slim body began to degrade with a few more passes of the deceptively strong sweet shots, but Kurt was laughing as he stumbled, and he seemed to have no lack of dance partners willing to keep him on his feet. 

Nearing the end of his set, Elliott watched in concern as Kurt was escorted toward the back of the house by two men. The dim lights made it hard to see, but Elliott was pretty sure that Kurt was being taken to a corner where Elliott had noted drug use happening. 

Finishing his song, Elliott excused himself and hurried to his friend. 

“—won’t have a hangover! It’s like a magic bullet,” said one of the guys holding Kurt upright as he swayed. 

Elliott shook his head. He’d been fed the same line about cocaine at a party his freshman year, and had ended up sicker than alcohol had ever made him after doing two lines to try to stave off the impending hangover. 

“Kurt! Hey, man, there you are! I’ve been looking for you. Your parole officer is here and wants to talk to you,” Elliott called loudly. He saw the dealer at the table beyond a ring of people sweep his product up and vanish out the back. 

“Huh? Elliott! You were amazing! You sounded so great! We need to sing together. I miss singing with you! I don’t get to sing enough anymore. Can we get the band back together? Where’s Dani? She was cool. She was never a bitch to me like Rach and Satan. I was a bitch to her though, after I left NYADA. Why did I do that? I’m like Blaine, I want to make music! He said that one time. He said he wanted to make music and help people. Or was it art? Then he tried to force me to have sex with him. But he was drunk. Blaine’s a horny drunk, did you know that? What kind of drunk am I, Elli? I don’t think I could get it up now so I’m not a horny drunk. Is this whiskey dick? Is that what they mean? You’re really hot, Elli, but I’m limp as a noodle down there right now and—“

The young men who’d been escorting Kurt had abandoned him when Elliott had made his false declaration, and so Elliott was left supporting the dead drunk Kurt and trying to get him into his coat so they could leave. Kurt’s babbling was accompanied by gestures which had set him off balance more than once, and Elliott finally just wrapped Kurt’s coat around him and practically dragged him out of the frat house. 

By the time they’d arrived at Elliott’s apartment, Kurt’s monologue had meandered from every sexual partner Kurt had had to all the high school friends who had abandoned him, and to how awful everyone was at Parsons, and Kurt was weeping uncontrollably. 

Actually having to carry Kurt up the stairs, Elliott was looking forward to Kurt passing out. He had learned more about Kurt’s personal life than he’d ever wanted to know in the time it took to get back. 

Getting Kurt to drink two glasses of water, Elliott settled him on the sofa on his side with a large wastebasket just below him. Then Elliott finally got to get himself divested of his Starchild clothes and headed to his own rest. 

“Oh fuck!” Kurt cried, and Elliott sighed and returned to his friend. Kurt was on all fours by the kitchen counter. 

“What’s up, buddy?” Elliott asked. 

Kurt burst into noisey sobs. “Dad calls me bud! I miss him!”

Sighing, Elliott hauled Kurt to his feet. “Come on. Back to the couch. And stay there this time, Kurt.”

“I gotta piss.”

Elliott shook his head and changed trajectories. 

But Kurt couldn’t stay upright, nor could he manage the fly of his typically super tight pants. 

Feeling quite put upon, Elliott held Kurt from behind and undid the button and zipper for him. He balked at going any further. 

“Come on, Kurt. Do your business so I can get you back to bed.”

There was muttering and fumbling and finally Elliott heard the splash in the toilet. Kurt tilted dangerously, and Elliott caught him, ending up with with quite the eyeful of Kurt’s junk when he manhandled Kurt back to the sofa and realized Kurt hadn’t tucked himself back in. 

Damn. That was not what Elliott would have expected from the svelte countertenor. He’d better be a ‘show’-er because if he was a ‘grow’-er, he’d give porn stars a run for their money. 

Shaking himself out of his observation, Elliott peeled Kurt’s pants off of him, definitely not wanting to deal with any injury Kurt gave himself with his cock nestled between the metal sides of his zipper. 

He rather spitefully left Kurt with his dick hanging over the waistband of his bikini briefs and covered him with a spare sheet before the quilt went on top. 

He had plans for the morning.))


	5. Decorations (Kurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really short Kurt part this time. I hope you’re enjoying these!

((Elliott took a sadistic glee in setting up the silver bells Christmas decoration the morning after Kurt’s massive drinking binge. 

Looking down with affection on his friend, Elliott marveled at how much noise and drool one hungover person could produce. Kurt’s snores sounded like the pipes in Elliott’s first apartment, and he was definitely glad his throw pillows were washable. 

Clicking on the power for the bell decoration after making sure the volume was cranked, Elliott sat back into his cozy armchair and waited as the music began. 

The high tinkle of the first bells made Kurt’s eyebrows twitch, and as the next notes rose, those eyebrows drew tightly together and his lips smacked and twisted as he woke. Eyes slitted open, Kurt groaned as the volume increased with a crescendo. His hand came up to cover his exposed ear and he burrowed his head into the pillow before jerking away from the big wet spot of what had to be cold saliva. He groaned loudly at the motion and leaned forward and vomited into the wastebasket Elliott had strategically placed. 

Elliott snorted in laughter when Kurt seemed to begin to doze back off as the quieter interlude played, then moaned and gagged when the sound increased again. 

The sheer misery in Kurt’s eyes when he opened them and looked to Elliott had him clicking the sound off against his better judgement, and Kurt whimpered some sort of gratitude before rolling off the couch onto his hands and knees. He winced and quickly adjusted his dick, shoving it back into his underwear, and Elliott had to laugh at that. 

“Why’s my dick hanging out?” Kurt mumbled. 

“Because I’m a gentleman and wouldn’t touch you without your permission.”

“Ohmygod I feel so...”

Elliott snickered. “If you’re done being sick I’ll deal with that bin and you can go shower. There’s tylenol in the medicine cabinet.”

“Can I just die instead?”

“Not in my living room.”

“Mm. Kay.”

After Kurt had showered and eaten the pancakes Elliott made for breakfast, he seemed more lucid and kissed Elliott’s cheek when he left. 

Elliott turned the bells back on as he decorated the rest of the apartment with his mismash of childhood crafts and accumulated decor from his years living in the city. 

He rather looked forward to Kurt’s reaction the next time he came over.))

As with everything in his micro apartment, Kurt had to keep his decorations minimal. 

He strung a lighted garland across his window and hung his essential ornaments from it, including two he had vague memories of making with both his parents and several more he’d always loved growing up that his dad had let him take. 

A snow globe here, a string of twinkle lights there, a wreath on his door, and Kurt was finished. It looked a bit festive but not as much as he wanted. 

Before melancholy could set in, he texted Elliott and informed him he was coming over, then bundled up and headed out. 

Holiday cheer had to be shared, and Kurt couldn’t imagine anyone better to make him feel safe and comfortable than Elli.


	6. Candles (Kurt)

It was hard for Kurt to believe that only a couple of months previous, Elliott had been an acquaintance in his contact list; someone from his past whom he rarely saw. 

Because now, they spent almost all their free time together; going out, studying, staying in, and texting one another all the time. 

Elliott had a sharp wit that Kurt loved, since it was never cruel. They joked and teased each other mercilessly (Kurt was never going to live down the night of the frat party when he’d apparently gotten so drunk Elli had had to help him piss), but the affection between them only grew. 

One night over wine and takeout, they talked about their high school performances and Kurt confessed to having sung Candles with the Warblers. As a duet. 

Elliott’s response was gently mocking, and when Kurt jokingly said he hated him for it, Elliott’s response made Kurt’s head spin. 

“Nah, you love me. You’re totally in love with me and you’re hiding it.”

Kurt felt his heart drop to his feet then rebound up into his throat. The offhand comment resonated with him in the most uncomfortable way, and he scrambled mentally to cover it up. 

Rolling his eyes, Kurt made some excuse about having to leave, but Elliott knew him too well and stopped him at the door. 

“You know I was kidding, right?”

They were standing close, right by the front door, and Kurt looked up at Elliott. What would it be like to let go of this jumble of emotions and just lean into him? Elliott was strong and kind and so...good. Falling for him would just be an extension of the bonding they’d been doing in these last few months, wouldn’t it? Taking friendship toward love?

Ohmygod. 

Love? Love led to loneliness. He’d loved Blaine and his high school friends and look what had happened there. 

Keeping the best friend he’d made in nearly a year was way more important than risking everything for sex or love. 

So Kurt smirked, and patted Elliott’s cheek. (God, that stubble...)

“Had ya going for a second there, huh? You can’t tell me I’m not a superb actor.”

His friend’s eyes narrowed a bit, but Kurt shrugged and whirled away, hurrying out the door and heading home. 

Friends. 

Yeah. 

Friends. 

((“So you did a song with the first line about being alone—as a duet? A breakup song about finding peace on your own, sung to your boyfriend?” Elliott’s confusion was laced liberally with a teasing tone and Kurt shoved him. They were hanging out after Kurt had rearranged Elliott’s Christmas decorations upon arrival. 

“Shut up. It was Blaine’s idea. And we lost anyway, so...” 

At the mention of his ex, a darker atmosphere descended and Elliott determined to lift it. 

“Well, I did a talent show performance in middle school dressed as a banana: I’m not really judging.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “You did not!”

Elliott held his face straight but his eyes betrayed his humor and he finally broke. 

“No. Not really.”

“I hate you. I really, really do.”

“Nah, you love me. You’re totally in love with me and you’re hiding it.”

Kurt flushed nearly neon red, but rolled his eyes and made his excuse to leave. 

Elliott stopped him at the door. 

“You know I was just kidding, right?”

Kurt looked up at him, and Elliott was struck by the other man’s beauty. It was vulnerable and open for an instant, but just as Elliott took a breath to speak, Kurt smirked and patted his cheek. 

“Had ya going for a second there, huh? You can’t tell me I’m not a superb actor.”

And Kurt left. 

Playing the moment back through his mind that night, Elliott found he was rather certain that Kurt hadn’t been acting at all. And Elliott surprised himself when he realized that the thought didn’t bother him.))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am trying not to directly duplicate scenes when possible, but sometimes it will be inevitable. I hope it doesn’t get too redundant.


	7. Family (Kurt)

“I am gonna meet this Elliott when we’re out for Christmas, right?” Burt asked during a weekly phone call. 

“Dad, you’ve already met Elli. He was in my bands. Tall, black hair, guyliner...”

“Yeah, but... Back then he was just some guy. You two are real close now.”

“He was my friend then, and he’s my friend now,” Kurt said, trying to keep his voice reasonable but hearing the defensiveness despite it. 

“Uh-huh. Bud, you haven’t talked about one person this much since...you moved to New York.”

“Since Blaine, you started to say,” Kurt sighed. Having really only had one serious boyfriend sucked. Everyone got compared to Blaine. “Dad, I’m friends with Elliott. He’s, like, the only person I can count on here now. Even if I... I’m not going to risk the best friend I have.”

“Okay, Kurt. Just remember that friendship is a great foundation to build on. Don’t cut yourself off from what’s possible.”

Images of Elliott’s bare chest, strong arms, and full lips shot through Kurt’s mind and body and he wondered wistfully if there was even a chance Elli could ever feel the same way about skinny little Kurt Hummel. 

“I really like having someone to text and hang out with, Dad. I doubt he’d ever see me as more, anyway.”

“Okay, bud. I just want you happy, y’know?”

Kurt warmed at the sentiment. 

“I know, Dad, and if he’s staying in town for the holiday, I’ll make sure we get together, okay?”

“Sounds good.”

((When the door to Elliott’s apartment opened, Kurt breezed through, carrying bags of groceries and chattering a mile a minute. 

Once in the kitchen, he finally really looked at the person who had answered his knock. 

“Ohmygod, Elli, what happened to your hair!”

Sandy blonde hair was pulled back into a man bun, and there was no trace of makeup around the blue eyes. A swift glance down showed a version of dress which Kurt had never seen upon his friend: a light blue denim shirt was buttoned all the way up, with a darker blue denim overshirt on top of it, unfastened. And he wore baggy tan cargo pants. 

Kurt thought he might faint. 

“Evan, I asked you a question, man!”

Kurt turned and cried out wordlessly. 

Elliott, black hair streaked with electric blue and pasted down across his forehead over black lined eyes, clad in tight black jeans and a tighter black t-shirt, emerged from his bedroom. 

“Oh, hey, Kurt. You met Evan?”

Kurt’s eyes darted back and forth between them. 

“Brother?”

“Twin, yeah,” Elliott clarified. 

“Oh thank god. I thought you’d turned into a hipster!”

Kurt flung himself into Elliott’s arms, and the twins exchanged a look, the curl of Evan’s lip and arc of his eyebrow suggestive. Elliott slightly shook his head, but at the flat look he received in return, smiled a little and shrugged as he squeezed Kurt in a hug. 

When the friends broke apart, Kurt offered his hand to Evan. 

“Sorry about the drama. But, if you ever want a makeover, I’m amazing at them,” Kurt said, shaking firmly. 

Evan rolled his eyes and Kurt snickered at the familiar expression on the man’s also familiar face. The twin thing would take some getting used to. 

“I’m fine, but thanks. Ell, yes, I’m leaving before dinner, to answer your question. I just wanted to drop these presents for mom off. I have plans with my hipster friends.”

The sparkle in Evan’s eyes as he ribbed Kurt was again familiar and Kurt shook his head and smirked back. 

Elliott hugged Evan and escorted him to the door. 

“Tell me you’re tapping that,” Evan said quietly. Elliott’s flustered response was enough to make Evan laugh. 

“Happy holidays, Kurt! I’m sure I’ll see you around,” Evan called. Elliott shoved him out the door.))


	8. Tree/Nature (Kurt)

Tree/Nature (Kurt)

((Elliott knew something was wrong from the tone of Kurt’s texts. 

From Elliott: meet me at grand central at 11

From Kurt: too much to do

From Elliott: be there. You need a break 

From Kurt: fine. Pushy. 

From Elliott: damn right

Having their tickets ready when Kurt arrived, Elliott hustled him onto the train, nodding to himself at the dour way Kurt was dressed. He looked like he was an attendee at a victorian funeral with the severely narrow cut of his skinny suit, and the high collar of his wool, knee-length coat. 

After the third sigh, Elliott grew tired of the silence and nudged Kurt with his elbow. Kurt’s eyes cut to his and away, then his elbow nudged back. Elliott leaned back and put his arm on the back of Kurt’s seat. 

“Where are we going?” Kurt asked. 

“Someplace fun.”

Sigh. 

“Kurt. I want to give you some time doing something completely different than you normally do. You up for it or should we turn around? I’ll take you to lunch and you can get back to whatever project you’re working on. No hard feelings, man.”

Kurt’s shoulders slumped a bit. He turned his head to look at Elliott, contrition painted in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I’m being a bitch while you’re being a good friend. I’m grateful for the distraction, truly.”

Elliott was warmed by the turnaround. It was very unlike Kurt had been in the past. He dropped his hand to Kurt’s shoulder and half-hugged him. 

“Alright.”

~~*~~

“The botanical gardens? Won’t they all be dead in winter?” Kurt asked when he saw the entrance. 

“Nope. That’s why it’s indoors. Plus, there’s another thing we’re here for,” Elliott said, winking. 

Kurt looked around and saw the signs for the special exhibit. “Trains? At the botanical gardens?”

“Model trains, with scenery like the city. It’s amazing. I’ve been coming since I was little. We’d come and see the trains and then go look at the lights. It was, uh, family time. A tradition.”

Kurt was watching Elliott with a tiny smile. “And you’re sharing it with me? That’s so sweet. Why didn’t you invite Evan?”

“I...we haven’t done it for the last few years. I mean, I’ve come alone, but Evan thinks it’s kinda...”

“Hokey?”

Elliott looked away. “Difficult. Mom and Dad split up two years ago.”

“Elli...” Kurt leaned close and put his arm around Elliott’s waist, putting his head on the taller man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. If it helps at all, I’ll happily come with you every year.”

Elliott tilted his head to rest against Kurt’s. Closing his eyes for a moment, there was a brief image of walking into the building with Kurt, and of them holding a small child by one hand each, swinging between them. 

He opened his eyes and moved in front of Kurt. He gave a quick kiss to Kurt’s forehead and hugged him, then took his hand and tugged him inside.))

 

Kurt had to pass three Christmas tree lots on his way to and from school, and every time, he sighed. 

He loved his apartment. He did, he loved having a cozy space that was 100% his own, it was just... It was too small for a live tree. 

Back in Lima, he and his dad had gone and gotten a live tree every year. They’d examined and debated and eventually agreed on whichever one they chose each year, and Kurt had held (or sat on, when he was too little) the tree with it laying over the edge of the back porch while Burt made a fresh cut. 

Each year, Kurt had saved those little pine disks, and Burt had helped him drill out a shallow cylinder for an electric tea light, and Kurt had put that candle in the window of his bedroom. One of the memories he had of his mother was her singing, and he’d always thought of REO Speedwagon’s I Can’t Fight this Feeling and the line “You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night” when he looked at that light. Even when he’d grown older and truly understood that she wasn’t lost and trying to find her way home to him, he’d still taken comfort in memorializing her that way each Christmas. 

After Elliott dragged him to the model train show, which, Kurt had to admit was amazing, they were walking back to Elli’s apartment to have dinner and passed another tree lot. When Kurt confessed how he missed having that little cut end of the tree stump, Elliott looked at him in exasperation. 

“So ask for one!” Elliott exclaimed. 

“What do you mean? Dad and Carole use a fake tree now, I can’t ask him to send me the one he has—“

“Kurt, do you really think New Yorkers take their trees to their apartments and get a saw out and cut their own stumps? All the lots make a fresh cut for them!”

“I...”

Elliott rolled his eyes. “Wait here.”

He ran off and came back in less than two minutes, holding a little round wooden disk that smelled like Kurt remembered. Tears sprang to Kurt’s eyes with the memories the scent evoked. He threw his arms around Elliott and hugged him. 

“Ohmygod, Elli, this is so... I know I’m being ridiculous and nostalgic but—“

Elliott held him tight, and the hug went on and on, right there on the sidewalk with a flow of people spreading around them like water around a stone. Kurt closed his eyes and rested his cheek against the wool of Elliott’s pea coat and let a few tears escape. 

“If Christmas ain’t the time for sappy nostalgia, I don’t know when is,” Elliott said quietly into Kurt’s hair. 

Pulling back, Elliott looked into Kurt’s face. “Kurt, if there’s anything in the world that you want that will make you feel good in any given moment, this is the city where you can find it, 24/7. It’s okay to take care of yourself that way. When I’m lonely at night and missing Evan, I have his teddy bear from when we were kids, and I get it out and sleep with it. There’s no reason to suffer if you don’t have to.”

Kurt laughed and cried and clutched the little piece of wood. 

“Thank you, Elli. I’ll try to remember that.”


	9. Chocolate and Peppermint (Kurt)

((“I’m sorry I couldn’t go out with you tonight but I’m glad your date canceled. I can really use the help,” Kurt said. 

Elliott looked at the kitchen of Kurt’s minuscule apartment from the living room which was two feet away. He glanced over his shoulder and saw an odd cabinet. 

“Is that a murphy bed?”

Kurt pulled the sauce pan off the burner and turned to him, put one hand on his hip, and raised an imperious eyebrow. 

“Oh, of course, you want the tour! Okay, so you’ve seen my kitchen,” Kurt gestured like a game show hostess at the 4-1/2 foot tall fridge, hard against the stove which could probably heat a stock pot utilizing all four burners, a 2 by 2 foot bit of counter space, and small sink, all with plain white cabinets mounted around them. 

Kurt took two mincing steps forward and swept his arm from one wall all the way across the twelve foot width to the other. “And here we have the living-slash-dining-slash bedroom.” 

He indicated the table and spindly little chair against the wall, placed where Kurt probably had to shift it to properly stand at the sink. “This is where I eat, study, and design.”

Two more steps toward the far wall and Kurt was in the center of his home. 

“Yes, that’s a murphy bed. My dad helped me put it together. And here is my entertainment center and loveseat with my delightful view...of the alley,” he said, pointing out his wall mounted twenty inch television and what he generously called a loveseat. Elliott doubted they’d both fit sitting side by side upon it. 

Of course that made him consider Kurt perching on his lap, perhaps snuggling under the crocheted blanket that hung on the back of the seat. 

Clearing his throat to clear his mind, Elliott nodded to the fabric encasement against the wall. It took up more than four linear feet and was over half that deep. “Closet?”

“Mm-hmm. You can’t expect me to make do with this,” Kurt said, opening one of the two doors across from the bed. The closet was half the size of Kurt’s makeshift wardrobe. 

“And the bathroom, of course. No tub, but I usually have enough hot water to finish a shower.”

“Kurt...” Elliott began. He saw the other man tense, obviously waiting to be teased about the micro space in which he lived. “This place is incredible. You’ve worked out a way to live alone on the Upper East Side. That’s just...wow.”

Kurt’s smile slowly bloomed on his face, and Elliott was thrilled to be the person to put that look there. It was totally worth canceling a date with the drummer he’d met at the frat party. 

“Well! Okay, then. So I make Christmas candies every year. Today we’re making dark chocolate peppermint bark. Follow me to candyland, my dear Elli!”))

“You’re strong, just crush it!”

Elliott squeezed and rolled the bag of peppermint sticks between his hands and growled. 

“You’re shitting me.”

Kurt burst into laughter. “Yes. Here,” he handed Elliott the rolling pin. He pointed at the table. “Crush them coarsely, please.”

“You suck,” Elliott said, but he was laughing. 

“And I’m damned good at it, too,” Kurt said, winking and turning back to stir the melting chocolate. He could feel Elli watching him for a long moment before he heard him move to the table and start crushing the candy. Shit. 

He turned off the burner and looked over his shoulder. “I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”

Elliott looked up, confused. “Huh? It was cute. And hot. We can joke and flirt, Kurt. It’s okay.”

Kurt studied his friend. Was there interest there? Was Elliott giving him the okay to take their relationship in a different direction?

Kurt huffed and turned back to the stove. It just wasn’t worth it. He’d been so incredibly lonely before rekindling this association with Elli. It was too much to look for more. 

“Sure, yeah, I know. I just don’t want to give you the wrong impression,” Kurt finally murmured. 

This time the wait was much longer before Elliott got back to rolling the pin over the candy.


	10. Winter Wedding (Kurt)

((“Tell me you finished that mini collection last night,” Elliott said as he pushed into the tiny apartment.

“Um, what? Yeah, I did, but... what are you doing here?” Kurt’s hair was sleep rumpled, and Elliott saw that his murphy bed was folded down from the wall. “It’s eight am and I was finally getting to sleep in, Ell...”

Elliott caught the much-less-intimate-sounding shortening of his name and stopped.

“I’m sorry. I’m in a bind. One of my classmates and I are supposed to sing at this wedding today and she’s got food poisoning. She’s in the hospital.”

“Oh-kay. Sorry to hear that. What does it have to do with me?”

“I want you to play the gig with me. I’ll split the fee. Hell, I’ll give you the fee! I can’t let the bride down.”

“Wouldn’t having you singing sappy lovesongs with another guy kinda let her down?”

“No! She’s a student teacher in my program at school. The groom is a nurse at a hospice for people with AIDS. They’ll be fine with two guys singing their reception. But we need to rehearse. The first dance song is original so you’ll have to learn it.”

“No pressure. I have only been away from performing for over a year!”

Elliott looked down, feeling bad, but immediately brought his eyes back up when he saw that Kurt was half hard in his loose pajama pants. Oh fuck he is a grower...

“I’m sorry. Really. But I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t completely confident that you could do it.”

Kurt tilted his head. “Why do I have such a hard time saying no to you?”

Elliott blushed and didn’t say the words that popped to mind: because you love me.

He just hoped it was possible it was true.

~~*~~

  
_I see death around me all the time  
See lovers torn apart: it’s such a crime_

_I see hope and light and performance  
But for me it was always dormant_

_When I met you I wasn’t ready  
Didn’t know how to do steady_

_But you taught me_  
You bought me  
Flowers

 _You made me see_  
That you and me  
Have power

 _We have love_  
And that’s what everyone needs more of.  
We have love  
And together we’ll write the score of

_Our life_

_One life_

_Together_

_Love from death  
Until death parts us_

_Love and light_  
I know we’ll fight  
But love will win  
‘Cause it’s a sin  
To walk away from

 _Love_.

 

“Ohmygod, Elli, this song is so bad,” Kurt moaned as they ran through it for the third time, note perfect, and Elliott declared himself satisfied.

“Yeah, well, they wrote it and they love it, so that’s that.”

Kurt shook his head and they went through the rest of the set list, making sure he knew all the songs.

Elliott was reminded of how much he loved singing with Kurt, and as they sang lovesong after lovesong together, it occurred to him.

He’d somehow fallen in love with Kurt Hummel.))

 

Not only did Kurt end up singing at a wedding reception that Elliott was supposed to perform at with a girl from his school after she got sick, he modified and resewed the bride’s dress when it caught on a sliver of wood and tore.

Honestly, Kurt thought the dress looked better after his modifications than it had before and since the tear occurred between the ceremony and the reception, it seemed as if she’d merely had one of those dresses that adjusted to become more dance-friendly, and no one was the wiser. The mother of the bride slipped him two hundred dollars and asked for his contact information as well, citing the need for some tailoring on a couple of her own outfits.

Needless to say, Kurt was walking on air as he and Elliott began their performance.

The song to which the newlyweds danced their first dance together was awful, having been written by a psych grad student who had minored in performance and a hospice nurse, but the rest of the evening was filled with popular songs, and Kurt had fun singing with Elliott.

From eighties standards like I’ve Had the Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing, to more recent ballads, and torch songs from Broadway musicals to some much harder rock music where Elliott took the lead and performed the hell out of, Kurt had a great time.

The only problem was, singing sweet duets led to looking at one another while emoting those loving feelings and Kurt couldn’t help the sense he had of slowly falling from a great height, drifting closer and closer to this tall, broad-shouldered, gentle, wise, sexy man who was Kurt’s best friend but whom he’d been having to try desperately to keep at a platonic distance.

They sang The Way You Look Tonight, and Kurt’s heart felt expansive as Elliott looked at him when he sang the words and they danced together during the instrumental pieces, ending with Elliott holding Kurt from behind, the two of them harmonizing for the final line.

Kurt looked over his shoulder into the blue of his friend’s eyes and laughed, knowing his nose was wrinkling a little, just like the song.

And Elli touched Kurt’s cheek with two fingertips as if to mimic the line about his cheeks being so soft, too, then they broke apart and Kurt hurried to grab a drink from his water bottle to try to cool his blush.

God, he was so utterly fucked.


	11. Twilight (Kurt)

((The daylight faded outside the windows of the 25th floor restaurant where Elliott and Kurt had sung through the wedding reception. There were a few stragglers left on the dance floor, but the bride had relieved the men from their duties and the band played a final few instrumentals as the clean up crew cleared the tables and the last of the guests trickled out. 

Elliott couldn’t believe how gorgeous Kurt looked as he stood admiring the view of twilight and the city through the wall of glass. 

“Would you dance with me?” Elliott asked in a hushed tone that held more self consciousness than he normally allowed himself to express. 

Kurt smiled at him in the reflection and Elliott realized that Kurt hadn’t been looking at the city, he’d been seeing Elliott look at him. Eyes wide, Elliott wondered how telling his expression had been. 

“Yes,” Kurt said, and turned, taking Elliott’s hand and drawing him to the dance floor. With one arched brow, Kurt set his hands in position to lead, and Elliott took his own grip on the slender man with a wink. 

The song changed and Elliott recognized When I Fall in Love and his stomach fluttered. 

“You already know, don’t you?” Elliott asked. 

A blush brought a beautiful rose to Kurt’s cheeks. “I...I think so.”

“It’s so cliché to say this, but... I’ve never felt this way before.”

Kurt drew Elliott closer and rested his head against the other man’s. 

“Tell me,” Kurt breathed. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Elli.”

“Like my day has something missing until I see you. Like there’s a future just beyond the sunrise that’s more rich and full than I ever imagined possible. That I’m falling so hard for you that I’m dizzy and I only feel peace when we’re touching.”

They danced several more bars before Kurt turned his head and tilted his face up and kissed him. 

Silence. A profound, encompassing quiet and peace settled into Elliott and he finally understood the meaning of the word ‘rapture’.))

 

The defenses Kurt had been keeping around his heart were tattered like tissue paper, and as he stood looking out at the twilight descending on the city, in the reflection of the glass, he caught sight of Elli watching him and the shreds blew away. 

The sweet, gentle man that Kurt had already fallen for, so hard (and why had he even tried to deny what was happening?), asked him to dance and told him everything he was feeling was reciprocated, and Kurt just couldn’t stop himself from kissing those full, gorgeous lips. 

It was perfect. Elli held him carefully and let their lips slide together and then his tongue was easing forth and the taste was of scotch and sex and love and everything Kurt had ever imagined it could be. 

They broke apart and just gazed at each other and Kurt was shaking and it felt like he was full of bubbles like a champagne bottle and he was going to burst with laughter and joy and utter, utter amazement. 

“I’m like the sunrise, huh?” Kurt asked. 

“More. You’re like the whole world, the universe, dancing through time and space and drawing me in. Kurt...”

Kurt kissed him again. 

How could he not?


	12. Gingerbread (Kurt)

Kurt hoped it wasn’t a bad thing that their relationship wasn’t moving quickly after he and Elliott had been kissing and kissing and kissing some more the night of the wedding when they’d sung together at the reception. 

Trying to quiet the voice in his mind that told him Elli didn’t find him attractive was challenging when they were apart, but easy when they were together and Elliott couldn’t stop touching Kurt. 

Answering the knock on his door, for example, Kurt was immediately swept into Elli’s strong arms and held for long moments. 

“I missed you,” Elliott said into Kurt’s neck. 

“You saw me last night,” Kurt giggled. 

“I don’t care. Now that our feelings are out, I wanna be with you all the time.”

Kurt bit his lip and smiled. It felt so good to have someone want him like that. 

And he absolutely wanted Elli the same way. Since he wasn’t fighting his attraction anymore, Kurt was positively swimming in his adoration of Elliott. 

The hug finally released and as soon as Elli’s face was accessible, Kurt pulled him into a kiss, being demanding and aggressive. 

He felt Elliott shudder under the onslaught, but all too soon, Elli pulled away. 

“But...” Kurt protested. 

Elliott drew him into the apartment and shut the door. 

“We should at least get out of the hallway.”

Kurt nodded. “Okay,” he said, and moved in to resume the embrace. 

Elliott stopped him and Kurt’s stomach knotted. 

“What’s wrong?”

Elli ran his fingertips across Kurt’s cheekbone and smiled. 

“Nothing’s wrong. I just wanna get the chance to see you and talk with you. I want to take things slowly, alright?”

Kurt nodded and couldn’t help feeling a little relieved. At least his big head felt relief. There were some distinct pangs from down below at the thought of holding off. But he really wasn’t ready to sleep with Elliott, so he was happy Elli was willing to humor him. 

“Okay then. Prepare for your interrogation! If I can’t get to know your body better, I’ll get to know your mind.”

Elliott laughed. “That’s fine with me. Let’s go snuggle on your loveseat. I deserve to be comfortable during my questioning. I think it’s part of the Geneva convention or something.”

So they got drinks and settled down and Kurt began throwing inquiries at Elliott in rapid-fire succession. 

 

((“Favorite...popsicle flavor, and you cannot say anything dirty!” Kurt asked. 

He was sitting half on Elliott’s lap on the loveseat in his micro apartment. After declaring their romantic intentions to one another, they’d agreed to spend more time together before immediately jumping into bed, so Kurt had decided to grill Elliott with questions. 

“Banana. You?”

“Lime. Favorite kind of chocolate?”

“Mmm. I’m having a hard time keeping it clean here. But I like the spiced hot chocolate. Not too spicy, like, no hot peppers in it, but cinnamon and stuff.”

Kurt smiled as Elliott elaborated. “I like hot chocolate, too.” He snuggled against Elliott. “Favorite sandwich?”

“Oh, um. There’s so many. But...you’re not gonna laugh at me, right?”

“I might laugh near you...”

Elliott chuckled. “Peanut butter and jelly. Lots of thick jelly, like, when it’s really firm? That’s the kind I like.”

“When jelly firms up too much it’s called ‘tough’.”

Elliott laughed at that. “Tough jelly, huh? That’s what I like?”

“Apparently,” Kurt giggled. “I know how to make it like that. I don’t know if I could do it in my kitchen, but maybe sometime when I’m visiting my Dad in Lima... So, since we’re on food: favorite cookie?”

“Gingerbread. Definitely.”

“We should make gingerbread men! They’re so much fun... Oh, but my oven would only fit like two at a time. Maybe mini men?”

“Or cook them at my place. You’re welcome there any time, Kurt.”

“You do have a much bigger oven, Elli,” Kurt said with mock sincerity. 

“Hon, I think a sailboat galley is bigger than your kitchen.”

Kurt laughed and played with the hair on the back of Elliott’s neck. 

“So...’hon’?”

“That okay?”

“Um. I don’t want to, like, rush things. I’m completely okay with taking it slowly, but, I just—“

Elliott squeezed Kurt’s waist. “Spit it out.”

“If we’re gonna do this I want to be exclusive. I want you to be mine. My boyfriend. Is that—“

Elliott kissed him, feeling joy he’d never experienced before like a small sun glowing in his chest. 

“Yes, hon. I am totally on board with being exclusively yours.”))


	13. St Lucia (Kurt)

((“I’m frozen. My feet... I can’t even feel them. Why didn’t I go to school someplace warm?” Kurt moaned as soon as he dropped into the seat beside Elliott. 

The taller man glanced down at Kurt’s incredibly stylish but completely uninsulated shoes and didn’t reply. He merely pushed the mug of cocoa toward Kurt, who grasped the warm ceramic with a moan. 

The sound was distinctly sexual and Elliott paused to savor it. He agreed with them not rushing into sex, although that didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about it. 

“I love to visit warm places but I don’t think I could stay. I remember you complaining about the heat during performances with One Three, and how you hated sweat stains,” Elliott offered, recalling their time as the band One Three Hill with Dani. 

“This is true. I hate the summers here: god, this city can smell!”

“But going somewhere with a beach...”

Kurt’s eyes took on a faraway look. “I’ve never seen the ocean.”

“What! Oh, we’ve gotta do that. Maybe I can get the time share from my Dad for St Lucia in March. It’s usually during spring break for NYU.”

Kurt gave him an odd look. “You...think we’ll still be...”

Elliott reached for Kurt’s hand and rested his fingertips against where the pale digits clutched the mug. 

“I do. And if it turns out I’m wrong and we’re terrible boyfriends, let’s go as friends.”

Kurt’s eyes nearly glowed in response. He released the cocoa and turned his hand over, delicately taking ahold of Elliott’s fingers and drawing them to his lips for a gentle kiss to Elliott’s knuckles.)) 

Kurt was in love. He was sure of it; more sure than he’d been as a teenager with Blaine or with Adam. It was a warm, certain feeling, and he trusted it. 

He saw the way Elliott looked at him and he didn’t doubt that Elli felt the same way. 

Well, he only doubted a little. 

But it was enough to keep him from saying it. 

That, and that they’d only gotten together so recently. 

But then Elli was making plans for them to be together months in the future, to travel to some beautiful place over spring break, and Kurt could barely believe how much he loved the man already. 

How had they ever thought to be just friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one today but tomorrow’s is longer, and sexier! Thanks for reading, and special thanks to delightful_fear, nikijuly17th, and lesbiannaisanna for the wonderful comments. They make such a difference in staying motivated to post these daily.


	14. Unexpected/Bad Luck Holiday Events

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original prompt fill for this was Kurt’s POV so the new part this time is Elliott. 
> 
> And warning for smut.

((Kurt slipped on the ice and went down on one knee, then fell back onto his ass. He wanted to cry. Not only was his ankle likely sprained, his designer jeans were probably ruined as well.

Struggling to his feet, Kurt limped his way home through the thickening flurries of snow.

After changing into pajama pants, Kurt called Elliott.

“Hey, did you make it home from class okay? It’s getting nasty out there,” was what Elliott opened with.

“I fell. Like a total dumbass. I twisted my ankle and ruined my pants… I’m so mad at myself!”

“Oh, honey, no…”

“I don’t even have any ice, how’s that for irony? I can’t ice my damned ankle.”

Kurt’s voice was petulant, but it made Elliott’s heart hurt.

“Elevate it. I’ll be right there.”

“No, it’s awful out! Don’t—“

But the line was silent and inactive, and Kurt couldn’t actually bring himself to be upset that he had a boyfriend willing to brave a blizzard to come take care of him.

~~*~~

“This mattress is really comfortable,” Elliott said as they snuggled down, Kurt’s injured ankle propped awkwardly on a stack of towels, an ice pack cradling the joint.

“What, did you think it’d be like a cot or something? I like my creature comforts.”

“I don’t know. I’ve never tried a murphy bed. I am glad you’re comfy, though.”

“I’m especially comfy with my very sweet boyfriend who spent two hours getting here.”

Elliott grinned like an idiot. “I’m much happier here with you, snowed in, than I would have been at my place, worrying about you.”

“You are probably stuck here for at least a day or two.”

Elliott turned and looked into Kurt’s eyes. “Whatever shall we do to pass the time?”

Kurt giggled an pulled him into a kiss. “Come here, you…”))

Kurt made Elliott feel like he was a superhero for traveling through the storm to be with him. 

The truth was, Elliott would rather be with Kurt than anyone else he’d ever known. 

Always before, Elliott could be content alone, knowing he had his twin brother who would do anything for him, and vice versa. 

But having Kurt Hummel want and need him made being alone something to be endured. 

Elliott was quite aware of all the neurophysiological things happening in his brain that made him feel such a powerful pull to be with Kurt all the time. And he was aware, too, that the caveman part of him wanted to take and mate and protect as well. 

He could observe himself experiencing those feelings, and still think relatively rationally about what he wanted with Kurt intellectually. 

His body craved the sex that would seal them together, but his mind cautioned him, and so, as they laid on Kurt’s murphy bed, they kissed and held each other for hour after hour, and then they talked, and ate, and slept holding one another, and woke, and Elliott even helped Kurt balance off his twisted ankle in the shower without taking the physical part of their relationship further. 

It was as they settled down into bed the second night with Kurt’s sprain feeling better and their bodies twining as their kisses heated up again that Kurt’s hand finally wandered down and cupped Elliott through his sleep pants. 

“Elli, I wanna touch you. Please? Unless...unless you don’t want me that way...” Kurt murmured breathlessly. 

“I do. I do want you , Kurt. And I’m ready for that. Thank you. Will you let me touch you, too?”

“Oh good god please yes,” Kurt sighed and eagerly palmed across Elliott’s belly until his fingers slid beneath the waistband and Kurt was finally, finally holding Elliott’s cock and it was perfect, so perfect, how his hand was so soft and his grip so firm and his strokes quick and even and—

“Fuck! Oh god, Kurt, I—“

Elliott came so fast, shuddering and gasping, that part of him worried it would look bad that he hadn’t lasted, but then he was reaching for Kurt and it didn’t seem to matter who came first and how fast. Because Elliott was experiencing the full effect of Kurt totally hard and so fucking big and filling his hand like no one ever had so that he wrapped his other hand below and jacked Kurt until Kurt was choking off a shout and coming. And Kurt’s face, when he climaxed, it was everything Elliott had ever dreamed of.

As soon as Kurt stopped spurting, he was all over Elliott, kissing him and murmuring sweet gratitude and appreciation, and Elliott just held him and responded in kind. 

“I thought I was going to go nuts holding off yesterday and today,” Kurt confessed when the frantic feeling started to abate. 

“I hear that. Jesus, I’ve wanted to touch you like that for so long...”

“Mmm. You can do that anytime you want, Elli.”

Kurt sounded drunk on the endorphins and Elliott laughed. 

“You okay just wiping up with kleenex? I really want to hold you until we fall asleep now.”

“Yeah. I really don’t care about the state of my pajamas at this point. I just wanna kiss you some more.”

So they did a half-assed cleanup and then cuddled with kisses that eventually slowed and grew more languid and gentle as they drifted off to sleep together.


	15. Traditions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fill has nothing to do with the prompt. I just wanted to write more smut. Enjoy!

((Elliott handed Kurt the festive plastic Christmas cup and sank down onto the sofa next to him, sighing.  
   
“I will be so relieved when this semester is over. I can’t believe graduation is just around the corner for me. Oh shit, what’s wrong?” The expression on Kurt’s face immediately caught his attention.  
   
“What is in this?” Kurt asked, peering into the cup.  
   
“Eggnog. It’s my Grammy’s recipe. You don’t like it?”  
   
“Is there any cream or egg in it? It tastes like lighter fluid with cinnamon!”  
   
Elliott laughed. “Yeah, it’s pretty strong. Do you want me to cut it with some milk or something?”  
   
“I…I think I’ll skip it altogether. That is way too much alcohol for me.”  
   
Elliott stared for a long moment.  
   
“What? See, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to get me wasted so you could have your way with me.”  
   
“How do you know I’m not?” Elliott leered.  
   
Kurt dropped his overdone delicate sensibilities façade. ”Because we both know you don’t have to get me drunk for that.”  
   
“We do?”  
   
Kurt bit his lip. “I thought you would have guessed that the exchange of handjobs when we were snowed in meant I think we should move things along.”  
   
Elliott smiled but didn’t reply.  
   
Kurt’s eyes widened and his creamy complexion lightened to a sickly pallor.  
   
“No, hon, don’t do that. Don’t panic.”  
   
Kurt took a breath, and Elliott could hear how it wavered, but Kurt looked a little calmer when he turned his whole body and faced Elliott. “Okay. So, will you go ahead and explain what your reaction means, then?”  
   
“Yes, of course I will. I just wanted you to listen.”  
   
“Okay, so I’m listening,” Kurt huffed.  
   
“Kurt…us taking our time getting into sex isn’t just about you. I want to take our time. I want to build our intimacy and really enjoy learning all about each other, not just what gets us off. I want to…savor every first we have. We’ll only have each first once, and…call me sentimental, but I want to have each first be a distinct and special memory. For us.”  
   
Kurt’s eyes glittered in the low light, but no tears escaped. “You are such a sap. I…I guess I just assumed you were waiting on me. That’s how it’s always been for me, like, the guy I’m with is always the one who’s ready for more before I am and I try so hard not to let that pressure get to me, but…”  
   
“You said something the night of the frat party. You said Blaine tried to force you to have sex. Was that like, pressure, or like…attempted rape? I feel like I need to know if you have some kind of history that might come up and—“  
   
“Ohmygod, no, not… It wasn’t like that. He was drunk and got a little grabby and I shut him down. That’s all. It never… It was never like that.”  
   
Elliott felt almost lightheaded with relief.  
   
“I’m so glad, hon.”  
   
“Since you seem to want full disclosure, though, I’ll tell you that in high school, my first kiss was stolen from me by a closeted homophobic bully. That wasn’t… I mean, that sucked, at the time, for sure, but I really doubt I’ll ever have flashbacks or need therapy for it or anything.”  
   
Elliott took Kurt’s hand and nodded, but his expression was solemn. “I wish you’d never had any sort of experience being violated that way.”  
   
“Have you?”  
   
“That’s a long story. The answer is yes, and I will tell you everything, but can we not, right now?”  
   
Kurt nodded slowly. “I’m sorry you went through anything bad, ever, Elli. And I’ll listen whenever you want to tell me about it. Or whenever you feel you can.”  
   
Nodding again, Elliott leaned forward and kissed Kurt softly, then harder.))  
   
Elliott somehow managed to get his eggnog set down safely and then pulled Kurt on top of himself as he laid back on the sofa. 

Kurt held him as they kissed, and sometimes brought his hand up to caress Elliott’s cheek. Feeling safe and cared for made the making out more intense for Elliott, and he slid one hand down to cup Kurt’s ass. The small sound Kurt let out made Elliott smile into the kiss. 

“This okay?” Elliott asked, squeezing. 

“Ohmygod yes. Your hand feels like you could palm a watermelon,” Kurt whispered back, and Elliott had to laugh. 

“What! You’ve got big strong hands! I can’t wax poetic?”

“No, it’s okay, it’s just... Palm a watermelon isn’t exactly poetry, hon. It’s kind of a bizarre—“

“Shut up and kiss me you idiot. Grab my ass all you want, too, okay? You have permission.”

Chuckling degraded into groaning as Elliott followed Kurt’s order. Both hands massaged at Kurt’s fantastic, muscled ass, and it wasn’t long before they were both feeling the hardness of the other and they rutted together in earnest. 

“Can we do this without pants? This is getting really uncomfortable,” Kurt asked after a while. 

“If you didn’t wear such tight pants you’d probably be more comfortable...”

“So is that a no? Or just a hypocritical critique of my wardrobe choices?”

“I don’t wear pants as tight as yours! How is that hypocritical?”

“You enjoy my tight pants, so criticizing them is—“

“Do we need to have this as a discussion? Or can we just take our damned pants off and get some frottage on?”

“You’re the one who— You know what? Never mind. Let’s get our pants off.”

They both scrambled out of their jeans and Kurt flopped back on the sofa, switching their positions. Elliott hesitated. 

“I want you to choose if you’re going to get on top of me and grind until you come or if you want to grind a while then let me jerk you off,” Kurt informed him. 

It made Elliott smile that Kurt was still such a control freak even with sex. 

He cocked an eyebrow at Kurt and pursed his lips. “You’re gonna have to wait and see,” Elliott replied, and carefully laid on top of Kurt, bracing himself so his full weight wasn’t on the slender man. 

“Mmm. Whatever, just get back to kissing me. Your lips are—“

Elliott obeyed, and smothered Kurt’s words. He loved kissing as much as Kurt did. 

Soon they were back at a fevered pitch and Elliott rolled his hips against Kurt’s, making both of them gasp at the friction of their hard-ons meeting through two layers of underwear. 

Kurt’s hands, which had been alternating between gripping Elliott’s hair and sliding over his back, immediately shifted lower to grab Elliott’s ass and pull him down. One of Kurt’s legs wrapped around Elliott’s thigh and Kurt bucked up against Elliott. 

Feeling Kurt’s cock against his own was fantastic, and Elliott readily followed Kurt’s pace as they humped into each other. 

“Oh fuck... This would be better naked, Elli, with lube,” Kurt moaned. 

Just the thought of laying Kurt out with all his glorious alabaster skin on display to lick and nip and stroke was enough to bring Elliott right to the edge and he froze, not wanting everything to end so abruptly. 

“Save that thought. Imagine it, honey,” Elliott said, thrusting gently and smiling as Kurt’s eyes rolled back. “We’ll get there. Just not yet.”

“Mm-hmm. This is so good, too. God! I think I’m getting rubbed raw, though... I really wanna come, Elli. Will you make me come?”

Elliott shivered with his reaction to Kurt’s words. “Yes. Yes. Anything for you, Kurt.”

Kurt rolled his body sinuously beneath Elliott, and Elliott growled and ground hard against him, reveling in the whimper that produced. 

“Look at me, honey. Watch me while I make you come,” Elliott ordered, and Kurt’s eyes met his and it only took one more delicious rub for Kurt to cry out and go wild under him, his body jerking as he came. Elliott pumped his hips twice more and groaned, gasping Kurt’s name as he came as well, shuddering. 

Keeping his weight off Kurt, Elliott buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck and lay there, breathing hard. 

“God, Elli, you’re amazing,” Kurt murmured. His hands , which had been embedded in Elliott’s ass, were sliding up and down his back, soothing.

Elliott brought his head back up and looked at Kurt, unable to keep from smiling tenderly. “I will definitely remember that first.”

Kurt grinned back. “Me, too.”


	16. Holiday Party

((“I don’t really want to go, but…”  
   
Elliott was always touched when Kurt showed him his insecurities. “What is it?”  
   
“This holiday show thing at Parsons. I mean, I have an outfit in it, but these parties are so stressful, and I don’t really want to subject you to the scrutiny of the fashion people, you know?”  
   
A plan sprung to Elliott’s mind and he nodded to himself. There had to be a use of having a conventionally stylish identical twin at some point, right?  
   
“When is it? Of course I’ll accompany you. I’m your boyfriend. And I want to see your creation on a runway. You’re so talented, Kurt.”  
   
Kurt’s face lit like a light shone through his skin. “Oh. Okay then. It’s Saturday afternoon.”  
   
~~*~~  
   
The expression on Kurt’s face when he saw Elliott across the lobby was one of utter incredulity, and shifted straight into resentment and anger as he stalked over.  
   
“Evan, what the hell are you doing here?”  
   
Elliott laughed out loud.  
   
“Kurt, honey, it’s me! I clean up nice, okay?”  
   
Kurt’s jaw dropped as he eyed the designer suit with the high collar that hid Elliott’s tattoos, the Italian leather shoes, and the dark blonde hair done in a smooth swoop with no wild colors or even black in sight.  
   
“Is this why you couldn’t see me last night?”  
   
“It takes a bit of doing to strip the color out of my hair, and I had to go down to mom’s house to get Evan’s suit, so, yeah.”  
   
Kurt hugged him enthusiastically, but pulled back to study him further. He looked closer at Elliott’s ears and saw he had small, flesh colored patches over his gauges, and with a sniff, identified his cologne.  
   
“Dior Homme?”  
   
“It’s also Evan’s.”  
   
“And a summer scent, and so not you.”  
   
Kurt took on a determined look and drew him to the men’s room. He wiped Elliott’s neck, trying to get some of the cologne off of him, and carefully plucked the patches off his dark blue gauges. Pulling eyeliner out of some pocket of his own suit, Kurt handed it to Elliott and indicated the mirror. Elliott obediently applied it the way he usually wore it, and Kurt wet his hands and restyled Elliott’s hair into more of the spikey look typical of his daily norm. Stepping back, Kurt eyed him, then untied and withdrew the tie from his neck and unbuttoned two buttons. Another moment’s ponderance, and a third button came free.  
   
“That’s a little more you. Your smooth baby face I can’t do anything about, but at least now you look more like my boyfriend and less like a stepford version. I love your personal style, hon. You don’t have to change to fit in. I’ll always stand up for your right to be yourself.”  
   
Kurt kissed Elliott’s cheek, then his lips, giving him a long moment of eye contact to prove his sincerity. Then Kurt took Elliott’s hand, and with head held high, he led him back out to the crowd of fashion people who would, no doubt, judge them both for the more casual look Elliott sported.))

It meant so much to Kurt that Elliott had been willing to come to the holiday fashion show and party at Parsons. Having someone there who wasn’t looking for every possible angle from which to tear Kurt down gave him space to breathe and actually enjoy the fact that his design walked the runway and received a wonderful response. 

Kurt’s teachers that semester had been universally tough on him, all citing his talent as the reason they pushed him and expected nothing but the very best from him. But the pressure had been taking its toll until Elliott had come back into Kurt’s life. 

With Elli there to listen and support and share mind-blowing orgasms with, Kurt felt like he could accomplish anything. 

So throughout the meet and greet after the runway show, Kurt stood proudly next to his boyfriend. He imagined red carpet events with Elli there, looking edgy and so gorgeous, and a future full of times spent together, each being the best person he could be. And making each other better in the process. 

Kurt looked over and met Elliott’s eyes, and the wink and hand squeeze he got in return made him blush and his happiness soar even higher.


	17. Mistletoe (Kurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More smut, and some funny with a side of sweetness.

((The dress Kurt put down the runway was stunning. It garnered a rise in the volume of the applause, and it wasn’t even just Elliott who caused it. Several people approached Kurt afterward to congratulate him, and he was obviously flying high from the compliments and praise. He kept Elliott by his side as much as possible, giving credence to his proclamation that he was proud to be with Elliott, even while they both suffered sneering glances.  
   
Elliott watched how Kurt was received aside from the admiration of his work, and noticed that he had several admirers. While not jealous by nature, Elliott did enjoy being the envy of others, and he smiled particularly brightly when those young and not so young men glared at him for holding Kurt’s hand or touching him affectionately.  
   
The cocktail party shifted into a more raucous affair after a few hours and sunset. Instructors and businesspeople bailed, and the students and their friends took over. The music shifted to more dance-oriented faire, and Elliott happily accompanied Kurt for several songs, enjoying the lithe, graceful body he was getting to know when they had time to spend worshipping one another.  
   
They moved together seamlessly, and Elliott stared hungrily at Kurt’s mouth, uncertain if he’d want to be kissed, even though Kurt was rather shamelessly grinding against his hip. Leaning in, Elliott let his mouth hover near Kurt’s for a long moment, but just as he was getting ready to close the distance after double checking Kurt’s expression and seeing the teasing minx he so adored, a hand grasped Kurt’s arm and pulled him away. Elliott let his shoulders slump in disappointment for a minute, but wondered who could possibly be the cockblock.  
   
It was one of the models, and Elliott felt a pang of unfamiliar insecurity when he saw the man. Tall and slim with probably 4% body fat, cheekbones and a jawline to cut glass with, and flashing green eyes were accompanied by flattering, stylish clothes and perfectly coiffed hair to rival Kurt’s own. And he was trying to hold a sprig of mistletoe over Kurt’s head, but swaying dangerously.  
   
“What the fuck, Sebastian!” Kurt cried, loudly enough to draw a few stares and to bring out Elliott’s protective side. He stepped up next to Kurt and put his arm around his shoulders, then tilted his head and raised an eyebrow at the stranger.  
   
“Come on, Kurt, we’re old pals, aren’t we? Let’s dance. Let’s fuck, even. Your goth JFK Junior can join us!” Sebastian said, laughing. He was obviously drunk.  
   
“Do you want me to break his nose?” Elliott asked, not looking at Kurt, but speaking to him through a feral smile.  
   
Kurt giggled and buried his face in Elliott’s neck for a moment. “No, but I appreciate the sentiment. We were never friends, but we were both gay in Ohio, so I’m giving him a pass.”  
   
Shaking his head, Kurt grabbed Elliott’s hand and pulled him toward the exit.  
   
“We’re leaving?”  
   
“Yes. I have plans for my tough, goth JFK Junior.”  
   
Elliott happily followed along. The event hadn’t been a bad time, but he was definitely ready to have some alone time with his gorgeous boyfriend.  
   
He’d just ignore the ridiculous nickname.))

Kurt had run into Sebastian Smythe at the rehearsals for the runway show, rolling his eyes at the rich boy who didn’t need the money from modeling but seemed to do it simply for the attention. 

When the drunk boy interrupted sexy dancing time with Elliott to proposition Kurt, and Elli, too, Kurt decided it was the signal that it was time to leave. 

Back at Kurt’s apartment, Kurt was still flying high from his success at the runway show, and revved up from the way Elli had been looking at him all night, so he playfully formulated a plan and had Elliott stand with his back to the room while Kurt took down one of his Christmas ornaments from the window garland. 

“Okay, so, if you’re not ready, you can say no, of course, and we’ll do something else,” Kurt said, and pulled Elliott around to face him. 

The soft, warm look from Elli gave Kurt the confidence to hook the ornament on Elliott’s belt buckle and step back to await his reaction. 

“Mistletoe? On my— Oh!” Elliott started laughing. Kurt joined him, but then stepped closer and looked up at Elli with his chin tilted down, batting his eyes and biting his lip. 

“What do you think? Are you ready for me to...kiss you under the mistletoe?”

Elliott bent double laughing at that, and held Kurt’s arms to stay upright. 

Eventually, the laughter died away and the warm, affectionate look returned to Elli’s eyes. 

“Not like this, but how about in bed? And only if I get to return the favor.”

Kurt nodded breathlessly, and they quickly undressed, with Kurt rehanging the mistletoe ornament while Elliott pulled the murphy bed down. 

With both their suits hung respectfully (Elliott admitted that Evan would destroy him with a devastating look of disappointment if he returned the designer clothes in anything but perfect condition), they stood in their underwear and kissed for a while before they finally shed the last of their clothing. 

They’d been naked together before, when Kurt had twisted his ankle and Elliott had helped him shower, but never with sexual intent. 

They laid down on top of the comforter and made out, allowing the intensity and need to build before they went any further. 

When they were both arching toward each other, hips moving to try for any sort of friction, Kurt gave Elliott one last peck on the lips and moved down, kissing and sucking on Elli’s skin as he slid along his throat and chest, lavishing attention on Elliott’s sensitive nipples before following the hair down, down, down. 

When he was finally laying perpendicular to Elliott, face to face with Elli’s flexing, blood darkened erection, Kurt found his mouth watering. 

“Oh, god, Elli, I’ve wanted this... Been fantasizing for weeks...” Kurt whispered, and looked up to see a tender smile on Elliott’s face. 

Elliott ran his fingers through Kurt’s hair and cupped his cheek. 

“Thank you, honey. I’ve been looking forward to this, too. I can’t wait to get my tongue on you, feel how you fill my mouth...”

Kurt groaned and took Elliott’s cock by the base, holding it upright and starting with a swirl around the plush head. 

“Jesus! Fuck, Kurt...”

Kurt warmed at the reaction and plunged down, then back up and off to trace every ridge with his tongue. 

“Ah! Oh, baby, god...”

Plunge and suck, then lick again, and Elliott was a babbling mess. 

“Kurt! Jesus... Kurt, please, I, oh fuck!”

Cupping and petting Elliott’s balls while he worked, savoring the smooth skin and musky scent, the flavor on his tongue so, so perfect, Kurt humped the bed a little, just to keep himself from desperation, and tried to draw it out. 

But it wasn’t long before Elli was begging, and Kurt didn’t want to make it any sort of power play edging game, at least not this time, so he opened up and just started bobbing, sucking and tonguing and rolling Elliott’s balls as they tightened up and Elli cried out and moaned and finally warned Kurt. 

But Kurt wanted it all, so he hummed and went faster and Elliott shouted his name and came, filling Kurt’s mouth with his come, and Kurt swallowed and moaned and worked him through it for as long as he could. 

Resting his burning cheek against Elliott’s thigh, Kurt trembled right along with him as Elliott’s breath slowed and he started stroking Kurt’s hair again. 

Kurt looked up at him and Elliott had the most awed, adoring expression, and it made Kurt blush even harder. 

“Yeah?”

“Oh Jesus Christ, Kurt, yeah. That was amazing, honey.”

Kurt moved up and put his head on Elliott’s chest and hugged him. With Elli’s arms around him, Kurt was completely content and happy, willing to wait for his own release. 

At least that’s what he told himself. His cock was less patient and throbbed, leaking onto Elliott’s leg, and Elli noticed immediately. 

“Can I say how much I love that you’re a pre-comer? I really can’t wait to taste that...”

Kurt giggled. “It’s not so great when I end up with spots on my undies. I’ve been doing my own laundry since I was about twelve from embarrassment!”

“Ah, no, honey, it’s incredibly hot. Come here and lay back. I can’t wait anymore,” Elliott insisted, pulling Kurt up for a kiss before settling him back against the pillows and kneeling over him, straddling his thighs. 

When Elliott started ghosting his hands over Kurt’s chest and arms, Kurt got the distinct feeling that he was being worshipped, and he started to shake. 

“Honey? You okay? We don’t have to do this,” Elli said gently, resting his hands on Kurt’s hips. “We can do something else if you’re uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s just... I feel... You make me feel so...precious, so wanted and adored and respected and... Oh damnit...” Kurt was starting to cry and he hated how emotional he sometimes got during sex. “I’m sorry. I’m fine, really.”

But Elli was Elli, and he carefully laid down on top of Kurt, whose hips jerked at the pressure. Elliott kissed him softly, and wiped away his tears, and murmured reassurances until Kurt felt safe and warm and the heat of Elliott’s belly on his cock was just too much and he shifted a bit, feeling the wetness between them. 

“Can I suck you off? If you’d rather just—“ Elliott rubbed himself against Kurt’s erection and made Kurt whine. 

“No, yes, please, please, I wanna feel your mouth...”

Elliott smiled and moved down immediately, settling between Kurt’s legs, and he didn’t tease, he just went for it, groaning as he cleaned up all the fluid from before, making Kurt pulse out more, and then wrapping his lips around the head and suckling, flicking his tongue over and over against Kurt’s slit, making appreciative sounds until Kurt grabbed his hair and pushed down slightly. Elliott took the hint, and started sliding down, holding the lower half of Kurt’s cock in his hand and barely making up the difference even taking him to the back of his mouth. 

Kurt didn’t care. No one had ever deep-throated him anyway, so he happily just moaned and shook while Elliott blew him enthusiastically. 

It really didn’t take long before Kurt was urgently tapping Elliott’s shoulder, but he felt Elli nod and just let himself go when the heat rose from his balls and he felt the blinding pulses of his orgasm. 

“Elli! Fuck! God! Yes! Elli!” Kurt cried, jerking with the force of his climax. 

Elliott had pulled off right at the last few sluggish dibbles, milking him with his hand and rubbing that come onto his lips, then sucking it off of them with a look of bliss. 

“Ah!” The sight made a few more drops well white and Elli licked those up, too, until the over sensitivity was beyond too much and Kurt shifted away. 

Elliott moved up to hold Kurt, and they just laid in each other’s arms for a long time. 

“Thank you,” Kurt murmured. 

“Hmm? That was mutual, hon.”

“No, for... For taking care of me. For always making sure I’m ready, and comfortable. It makes me feel so safe. So special.”

“That’s how you should always feel, Kurt,” Elli said, looking into Kurt’s eyes with a very serious expression. “I mean it. If anything ever happens and you end up being with other people, you make sure that they treat you right. You should always, always feel safe and comfortable being intimate with someone.”

Kurt smiled and stroked his amazing boyfriend on the cheek. 

“Somehow I don’t think that will ever be a problem.”


	18. Friends (Kurt)

((Elliott knew something was wrong the moment he walked into Kurt’s apartment and saw the murphy bed was down from the wall and the bedding slightly messed up. Kurt’s eyes were a little red but not exceptionally so. 

Enfolding Kurt in a hug as soon as the door closed behind him, his boyfriend’s slim body pressed close and Elliott felt him tremble. 

“Oh, Kurt. I’m here. You’re not alone.”

Kurt shook harder, and Elliott realized he was laughing. 

“Okay. What’s up?”

Kurt pulled back and kissed him lightly. 

“Thank you. I appreciate that you know what was bothering me.”

“I don’t, actually.”

“But you knew it would comfort me to hear I’m not alone. So thank you.”

Elliott touched Kurt’s face with his fingertips and kissed him back. 

“What’s really up, though?”

Kurt sighed and pulled away. He helped Elliott out of his coat and they sat down on the side of Kurt’s bed. 

“I picked up my mail today and there were all these Christmas cards and everyone seems to be there for each other and have someone to write cards with and I’m just... I’ve been forgotten. My old friends are all still making inside jokes and they’re in each other’s pictures...”

“Hey. You’re spinning it wrong, hon. They’ve written cards for you. They’re trying to include you. Look at it that way.”

Kurt tilted his head and Elliott tried not to see him mirroring the dog he’d had when they were kids. He didn’t think Kurt would approve of the comparison. 

“I guess you’re right. I can choose to look at it any way I want.” Kurt’s eyes narrowed a bit. “You’re really smart, you know?”

Elliott grinned, even with the facetious compliment. “And hey, if you wanna send cards out, we could do a sexy photo shoot or something...”

“Now you’ve ruined it,” Kurt replied with mock severity. Then he broke and smiled and kissed Elliott and they sort of forgot that they had planned to go out to dinner since they were already in bed and all.))

“You wanna come with me?” Elliott asked. He’d turned down having Kurt over because he had dinner plans. 

“I don’t want to be a tagalong.”

“You’re not. I thought you’d be busy tonight which is why I made plans. I want you to come out with me and my friends. I want to show you off and let you all get to know each other.”

Kurt hesitated, but he was still feeling pretty fragile after receiving Christmas cards from friends who no longer bothered to even call him, and he trusted that Elliott was being genuine. 

“Didn’t you tell someone you’d be there with your best friend?” Kurt asked hesitantly. He considered Elliott his best friend and had felt a little hurt when he’d overheard Elliott making plans. 

“Yeah. Evan. He’ll always be my best friend; we know each other like no one else can. But you, Kurt Hummel, are my boyfriend and my favorite person to be with.”

“He’s your best friend but I’m your favorite?”

Elliott looked at him with affectionate frustration. “Yes. You are the person I want to spend all my free time with.”

“I don’t really understand that, Elli.”

“Come out with us, and you’ll see. When it’s just Ev and me...well, it’s pretty boring.”

“Okay. I won’t promise not to make fun of his hipster clothes, though.”

“It won’t be a problem.”

~~*~~

At the restaurant, Kurt understood Elli’s cryptic comment. 

Evan was dressed in designer clothes. Nothing edgy: all classic and really flattering. 

The fact that he took and kissed Kurt’s hand and looked up at him with those familiar blue eyes and whispered “Enchenté,” and made Kurt blush was the first ammunition that Evan gathered that night. 

Evan was witty and a challenge to Kurt’s prowess at verbal sparring. It didn’t help that with the first few moments of the evening Evan found Kurt’s biggest weakness: Kurt grew tongue-tied when Evan flirted with him. 

Kurt was sure it was because he looked so much like Elliott. 

So he forced himself to catalog the subtle and not as subtle differences between the twins. 

Evan’s face was a touch more angular, and he didn’t have the perpetual five o’clock shadow that Elliott kept. The simple earrings Evan wore were a far cry from Elliott’s gauges, and Evan’s hair was considerably longer. And lighter. 

At Kurt’s insistence, Elliott had gone back to dyeing his hair and had a deep maroon wash making it reddish purple. He’d explained to Kurt that stripping the black and blue from it had weakened his hair and he needed to use gentler products for a while. 

The other people who came to dinner with them were lively and fun. Alex was non-binary and dressed in a dapper style that reminded Kurt a little of Blaine, and Roman was a tall Hawaiian. They both teased the Gilbert twins mercilessly, but went a little easier on Kurt. 

When dinner was through, the friends left, and Elliott went to the men’s room while Kurt and Evan waited in the lobby. 

“I’m sorry if I came on too strong,” Evan said as soon as Elliott was out of earshot. 

“It’s fine. I’m all for verbal sparring, but you looking like him makes my brain short circuit some of the time.”

Evan grinned. “But he’s the one who looks like me!”

Kurt shook his head ruefully. 

“You’ve never been around identical twins before?”

Kurt shook his head with sincerity that time. 

“Well, I’ll tell you, you make him so fucking happy, man. I’m definitely not trying to scare you off.”

“Your brother is amazing. He’s so level-headed it’s almost creepy.”

“Yeah. The therapy.”

Kurt nodded. “More people could do with that.”

“Not everyone opens up to it and actually learns and applies it, though.”

Kurt nodded thoughtfully. 

“Did you go, too, after?”

Evan pressed his lips together. “I refused. I went with Ell and waited outside for him for every session. Sometimes he really needed me after.”

“Always,” Elliott said, coming up and putting his arm around Kurt, smiling at them both. 

“Can we go look at the lights?” Kurt asked. 

“Sounds good to me,” Elliott said, and looked to Evan. “Trains,” he said to his twin, inclining his head to Kurt. 

Evan nodded as if the word made sense in that context, and Kurt thought quickly. Elliott had said that their family tradition had been to look at the lights after they went to see the model train exhibit at the botanical gardens.

“Yeah. Up,” Evan replied. 

They walked around, one man on either side of Kurt, and looked at the decorations in the neighborhood where their restaurant was. 

The brothers’ speech grew short and cryptic, single words passed back and forth that seemed to encompass whole conversations that made Kurt’s mind race to try to follow. When either of them addressed him directly, they used full sentences, however, and Kurt started to understand that this was their twin speak. 

He’d researched identical twins and knew some had an entire language of their own. He felt relieved that he could sometimes keep up with them by thinking of the association of the words they used, but often the single words referenced personal shared history and he started asking for clarification. 

They also spoke in complete sentences when explaining whatever Kurt asked about, but split the words between them. 

“Dad’s color blind so all the—“ Evan said. 

“—lights on the tree were blue so he could see them.” Elliott supplied. 

Kurt was fascinated, unable to understand how they knew when to stop talking for the other to pick up.

And then when they were parting ways, he saw them do another interesting thing. 

They had a short conversation while talking about different things at the same time, words tumbling over each other and responses to what the other said happening sometimes in the middle of the thought one was expressing. It sounded like a jumble to Kurt, but they seemed to understand each other completely and Kurt had to admit it took very little time for them to complete what they were both conveying. 

Then they hugged and Evan hugged Kurt and disappeared down to a a subway station while Elliott hailed a taxi. 

“You’re wrong,” Kurt told Elli when they settled in the car. 

“About?”

“Being with you two is far from boring. You’re fascinating, how you talk to each other.”

“He likes you.”

“Good. I like him. When he’s not making me blush with his sexual innuendo. Isn’t he straight? I thought you mentioned a girlfriend.”

“He’s pan, actually, but he’s really happy with Sheniqua.”

Kurt blushed and his mouth dropped open. “Holy shit, Elli! I never would have flirted back if I’d known he wasn’t straight. I’m sorry.”

Elliott just laughed. “It’s okay. He wasn’t serious, he was trying to rile you up and you gave as good as you got. Trust me, it’s all just friendly. When he really likes someone he’s a total dork. Seeing him around Sheniqua at first was painful!”

Kurt shook his head. “Well I’m glad you’re okay with how we were at dinner.”

Elliott took his hand and gave him a sweet smile. “You were perfect at dinner. You were yourself.”

Kurt chuckled and nodded, pleased.


	19. Shopping (Kurt)

After the discussion he had had with Elliott about how Elli loved pb&j with tough jelly, Kurt decided that while his fruit nut bread was baking in Elliott’s oven, he’d make Elliott some jelly with too much pectin. So in his bag were six jars, lids, and rings, a container of powdered pectin, and a jug of grape juice. He knew Elli would have sugar, so he was ready with everything else. 

But while riding the subway, his mind had found its way to contemplation of the amazing sexiness of his boyfriend, and Kurt had also started thinking that there were other things they might be able to do, maybe while the jelly and bread cooled...

Even if they were just going to frot or have some other, non-anal, sex, it wouldn’t hurt to have supplies with him, just in case, right?

Thus Kurt found himself looking at condoms at the bodega near Elli’s place. 

If he topped, he preferred the Magnums, but he was thinking that he’d probably be bottoming due to Elliott’s history, so he tried to figure out what kind Elli might like best as well. 

The consideration was made more difficult as he got turned on thinking about fucking or getting fucked, and he spaced out a little, staring at two boxes, lost in his mind where he was twined with his gorgeous boyfriend. 

 

((Elliott stopped at the bodega on his way home. Kurt was coming over to take advantage of Elliott’s larger kitchen to bake some kind of nut bread that he insisted wasn’t a fruitcake. Even though it had dried fruit in it. 

So Elliott was getting some staple ingredients like flour and sugar and butter since Kurt had used much of it up with his previous baking-at-Elliott’s excursion that had ended up with gingerbread men cooling on every unoccupied flat surface in his entire apartment. 

He had what he needed and was headed toward the cash register when he caught a familiar silhouette from the edge of his vision. He turned and almost said Kurt’s name until he saw what Kurt was shopping for. 

Standing in the family planning section with two different boxes of condoms in his hands, Kurt was frowning at the packages as if they’d mortally offended him. 

Elliott couldn’t help it. He laughed. 

Kurt’s head jerked in his direction and he hid the boxes behind his back like a kid caught with cookies. 

“Hey there. I think you probably want the Magnums,” Elliott said, trying to sound matter of fact while suppressing his grin. 

Kurt huffed and rolled his eyes. He brought the boxes back out in front of him and shrugged. “We really should have been using them for blowjobs, you know.”

Elliott nodded. “Yeah, that would have been the boyscout level of safe. I got tested not long before we got together, though. What about you?”

“After the last person I was with, yeah.”

“Good. So, get both sizes, and let’s get back to my place, huh? I think we have some more things to talk about than your fruitcake.”

“It’s not fruitcake.”

“Whatever. C’mon.”))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going up to the mountains today and tomorrow so I won’t be posting a chapter tomorrow, but I’ll be back to daily posts on Sunday.


	20. Songs/Carols (Kurt)

((“I am very curious where we’re going on such short notice, my dear Elli,” Kurt said after following his boyfriend onto the packed subway car. They commandeered a pole and stood facing each other with the metal between them.

“I was inspired. And you needed a holiday pick me up.”

“So it’s something holiday related? I thought I told you I am saving all my cheer for when my Dad and Carole come to visit,” Kurt protested.

“You’re going to love this.”

“Elli...”

“Hey now, no whining. It’s my turn to take you on a date. Just hush.”

Kurt sulked, looking terribly young as he blinked long and gave Elliott a side-eye. Elliott ruined it by laughing and Kurt ended up smiling at the sound.

When they arrived at the venue, Kurt’s mouth dropped open and he turned to Elliott with eyes wide with wonderment.

“The New York City Gay Men’s Chorus Christmas show?! Ohmygod I have wanted to go ever since I moved here! But how can you afford tickets, Elli, I know they’re not cheap.”

“We’re in the nosebleeds, so don’t get too excited to see anything up close, but you’ll hear every note, that I can promise.”

Kurt flung his arms around Elliott and kissed him soundly.

“You’re right. This is wonderful. Thank you.”

Elliott felt like he could power Manhattan with the glow in his chest.

“You’re welcome, Kurt. So very welcome.”))

The show was fabulous, and Elliott and Kurt laughed and sung to each other as they made their way back to Elliott’s apartment for the night.

The stress of the season had them both exhausted, and they exchanged quick handjobs before they fell asleep together.

When Kurt woke, he heard Elliott’s voice coming from the bathroom.

“ _This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us..._ ”

Kurt laid in bed and enjoyed the passion of Elliott’s voice even while a small part of his mind wondered at the song choice.

Shaking himself out of his cold reverie, Kurt rose and went into the bathroom.

“ _Who waits forever anyway...?_ ” Kurt sang, finishing the lyrics.

Elliott’s head popped around the edge of the shower curtain.

“Hey!”

“Why are you singing such a sad song, Elli?”

“Get in here,” Elliott said, and Kurt joined him. Elliott wrapped him up and maneuvered Kurt under the warm spray. “It’s not sad, exactly. Melancholy. But it’s passionate, and it’s about making the most of every moment; wringing every drop from life.”

“I just... I don’t think love dies,” Kurt said, blinking up into Elli’s eyes. “Not as long as it’s remembered.”

Elliott’s expression grew tender, and he kissed Kurt’s forehead. “Of course. It’s just a song, hon. I love Queen. I mean... Freddie: vavavoom!”

Kurt laughed. “Even with the porn ‘stache?”

“Especially with the porn ‘stache! I’m thinking of growing one. What do you think?”

“Eww! Elli! I could maybe see it on Evan when he’s in full hipster getup, but that sort of facial hair is not Starchild friendly. Or boyfriend friendly.” Kurt arched a judgemental eyebrow.

“Aww. There goes my dream of touring with Queen.”

Kurt laughed. “They wouldn’t want an imposter, silly. They’d want an homage. You’d be amazing, with your theatricality.”

Elliott smiled and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it didn’t take anyone out of the story for me to comment about Elliott singing/touring with Queen. Adam Lambert has been touring with them for the last couple of years and there’s some amazing video out there of his theatrical performances paying homage to Freddie Mercury. 
> 
> The song they sing in the shower is ‘Who Wants to Live Forever’.


	21. Winter Solstice (Kurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurt’s bit is in the middle this time.

((“Would you stay over tonight?” Elliott asked. Calling early in the day to make arrangements for that night was unusual but Elliott wanted to plan their time. 

“Sure. Any particular reason?”

“Winter solstice. Longest night of the year.”

“Um, yeah... Am I missing a significance? Is that something you celebrate?”

“No, I’m not pagan, but...sort of? I think you’ll like what I have in mind.”

“Ooo. Color me intrigued, my dear Elli. Should I bring anything?”

“How about those two boxes I caught you examining at the bodega?”

“Now I really like where you’re going with this! See you tonight.”

“Bye, hon.”))

~~*~~

Kurt finished the laundry he was doing, including the hand washing he had.

Thinking while he worked, Kurt found himself anticipating getting closer to Elliott. He dug out his personal cleaning supplies and prepped. It had been so long since he’d had anal sex, and he was looking forward to it. 

All the sex he’d had so far with Elli had been amazing. He always felt so safe and cared for, and it was a beautiful sharing together. He hoped tonight would just be even more so, and with how Elliott made his confidence soar, he knew he’d be able to cut loose and revel in whatever they did.

It was going to be an awesome night. 

~~*~~

((“I don’t want you to think that I misled you or anything. Let’s eat and I can tell you what I’m thinking,” Elliott said when Kurt arrived with Thai takeout. 

“Okay,” Kurt agreed. He was comfortable trusting Elliott. 

They settled in on the couch to eat, casually leaning each against an arm with their stockinged feet tangled on the middle cushion. 

“I think I’ve told you that sex for me is about more than the physical,” Elliott began. Kurt nodded. It was something he liked about him. 

“So while I was hoping you’d feel like making the most of the longest night of the year with me, and I’m feeling ready to take another step in the sexual side of our relationship, I want to be intimate with you in other ways tonight, too.”

Kurt’s head tilted and he smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

“Talking.”

“About anything in particular? We talk, like, all the time.”

Elliott took a deep breath. “I want to tell you about that stuff in my past. I want you to feel comfortable telling me anything you want to tell me, too. I want to know you, better, deeper and I want you to know me.”

Kurt’s face opened up in a beautiful, touched expression. 

“That sounds amazing.”

~~*~~

Snuggling close naked in Elliott’s bed, because Elliott wanted to be literally and symbolically vulnerable to Kurt, Elliott spoke softly of a neighbor when he and Evan were little who had indulged Elliott’s interest in music and himself in Elliott’s body. 

“I started faking sick a lot to not go to school and eventually, Evan cornered me and demanded to know what was wrong since I was having nightmares. I told him, and we went to mom and she called the police but the guy had already moved out.”

“You’re talking so calmly about it,” Kurt observed, tears making his own eyes swim while Elliott’s stayed dry. 

“Years of therapy. I’ve talked about it in every possible way and learned and truly understand that it wasn’t my fault in any way. I even think all that has made me more confident when it comes to sharing myself with another person.”

“I guess that makes sense. So does your comment about wishing I had never had to experience something like being force-kissed. That seems really dumb in comparison to what you—“

“No. Don’t compare. Comparison is an act of violence against the self.”

“That’s...profound, Elli.”

“Iyanla VanZant, one of my favorite personal growth speakers.”

“Elli, can I confess that your self awareness makes me feel rather...frivolous?”

“Comparing,” Elliott sing-songed, then kissed Kurt on the nose. “I don’t think you’re frivolous. The things that are important to you are important to me because you care about them.”

“I love you,” Kurt said, looking serene. Elliott’s eyes widened. “I’ve never been the first one to say it before, but I know it’s true. I’ve known it’s true for a while now.”

“I love you so much, Kurt,” Elliott returned, his eyes overflowing. 

“Oh, Elli... I don’t have any big confessions to make right now. Well, other than the one I just did. So...can we move on to the sex marathon?”

Elliott laughed through his tears. “Yes, honey, I think that sounds perfect.”))


	22. Magic (Kurt)

((“Do you know I have never told a boyfriend ‘I love you’ before?” Elliott asked as he kissed across Kurt’s chest. 

“I’m honored or... flattered or... oh god that feels good...” Kurt sighed. 

Smiling against the skin over Kurt’s ribs, Elliott nibbled the same place again. 

“I don’t know that it really means anything but I love that you said it first.”

“Elliott...”

He looked up at the use of his entire first name. Kurt stroked his cheek with a finger. 

“I think... I think that maybe for me it means everything.”

Elliott stilled. The enormity of what this relationship could be, for them, hit him, and he surged up from near Kurt’s waist to kiss him hard. 

They lay that way for some time, desperately trying to convey their feelings by wrapping each other close and kissing until their breath was shared, flowing from one man’s lungs into the other’s and back again until they were dizzy. 

It was Elliott who finally broke away with a shaky laugh. 

“I’m gonna pass out if we keep that up, and I’ll crush you.”

Kurt’s arms tightened around Elliott’s back, pulling him down hard against himself. 

“I’m tougher than I look. At some point, you’re going to collapse on me, and when you do, you should know I’ll happily hold you for however long it takes.”

Elliott smiled and just looked at Kurt for a long moment before going back to ravishing him. 

Kurt had previously discovered the amazing talent of Elliott’s mouth, but later, when Elliott looked up at him with that little grin and the sparkle in his eyes, bypassing Kurt’s erection and delving past Kurt’s balls, Kurt made a sound between a whine and a groan and found himself wantonly spreading his legs and even holding them behind his knees to pull them up and apart to give Elliott the easiest access he could to every part of his body. 

Elliott moaned in return and took full advantage, rimming him like eating ass was the best thing ever. 

By the time Kurt was practically sobbing his pleasure and starting to beg (and hearing his boyfriend plead “Fuck me, Elli, god, I need your cock, please, oh god,” was making Elliott shake with a primal need he’d never experienced before), Elliott was more than ready to comply. He shifted up and reached for a condom and the lube, setting the former aside and coating his fingers in the latter. 

“Do you wanna come first?” Elliott asked breathlessly. 

Kurt’s eyes were hazy as he looked at Elliott and shook his head sluggishly. “I wanna come with you in me. Wanna come with you fucking me with my knees at my ears and I want you to fuck me right through it until I’m too sensitive and you just keep going until you come and fill my ass and—“

“Jesus, Kurt!” Elliott laughed. “I’ll do my best, okay, but it’s been a while and you are so fucking hot and I love you so much...even your filthy fucking mouth and demanding pushiness...”

Kurt giggled, too, and pulled Elliott into a kiss. 

“You make me want everything, honey. I’m greedy for all of it, with you.”

Elliott looked into Kurt’s eyes and whispered his love again while he slipped his hand down and rubbed against Kurt’s hole. Kurt’s eyes rolled back and his hips churned. 

“God, don’t tease, just stretch me, I need your cock so bad...”

Elliott rested his forehead against Kurt’s collarbone for a moment, then slid a finger into the clenching heat, listening to the glorious sounds Kurt made as he rotated his finger and pressed against the tightness before adding a second. 

“Yes, god, yes, give me another, want to feel it, make it too much—Ahh!!”

Elliott felt heat prickle his scalp. He wanted everything with Kurt, too. Wanted to explore things he’d only ever experienced through watching porn, and he thought that maybe Kurt would enjoy it, from his reactions. 

Shaking off the image of Kurt and leather, Elliott refocused on what Kurt was demanding. 

“Fuck me, Elliott, oh god I need it, fucking fuck me, now, now-now-now—“

Elliott fumbled for the condom with his free hand, still twisting his fingers inside Kurt. 

“Sit up a little, and put it on me,” Elliott growled, dropping the square on Kurt’s chest. 

Kurt was gasping and writhing and made an ungodly sound when he shifted his body up and Elliott just followed, keeping his fingers deep inside as Kurt moved to obey. 

With clumsy hands, Kurt struggled and eventually got the condom rolled onto Elliott. 

“Yes, honey, good job. Now I’m gonna give you what you want,” Elliott said, popping the top of the lube and squirting it into the palm of the hand he was still fingering Kurt with. He snapped the bottle shut and dropped it, rolling onto Kurt and getting into position. Pulling his fingers most of the way out, he led his cock in, feeding through the puddle of lube so Kurt was never left wanting when Elliott finally pressed into him. 

“Oh god. Oh, Elli... You feel so good... oh, honey, yes... All of it, give it to me—Yeah!!”

Elliott thrust in and Kurt’s face scrunched and his mouth hung open as they started fucking in earnest. 

It felt amazing. Elliott never wanted it to end. Guided by Kurt’s orders, he fucked hard and deep, folding Kurt in half and giving him everything, sweating, desperately holding back. 

“Kurt, god! I need you to come. I’m-I’m...”

Kurt’s hand slipped between them and Elliott felt it moving as he jacked himself, felt the echoing clenches on his cock, and it was too much. 

“Kurt!” Elliott cried, coming hard and long, jerking and trying to keep thrusting but completely lost to the pleasure of Kurt’s body. 

“Ahh! Elli! Yes!” Kurt came in spurts, his ass tightening into too much stimulation on Elliott, who heard himself whimpering. 

As soon as Kurt stopped shaking, Elliott held the condom and pulled out in relief. Disposing of it, he grabbed a handful of tissues and wiped Kurt’s chest, then cleaned at least some of the rest of the mess before he pulled Kurt into his arms and let himself relax completely. 

“Elli...”

“Mm.”

“That was...”

“Mm?”

“Magic.”

“Mm. Yeah.”))

Kurt felt Elliott’s arm across his chest and head on his shoulder grow heavier as he fell asleep, but Kurt didn’t want to succumb yet himself. 

Instead, Kurt laid there with a precious, gorgeous man sprawled over him and tried to see the future. 

Maybe when his lease was up, Elli would want him to move in. This apartment was pretty good sized by New York standards, and as long as Elliott didn’t mind making room for Kurt’s clothes, he was pretty sure they’d be comfortable here together. 

But Elliott was graduating. He might not want to stay in the same apartment where he’d lived for four years. Maybe they could find a place together, not too far from Parsons. 

After they were both done with school, they’d probably have a number of years of lean time, but Kurt knew Elliott did well with the singing gigs he got, and even as a session musician sometimes. They’d manage. 

Once Kurt got established in the fashion industry, they could buy a place to live, and then consider if children were something they wanted in their lives. 

Did he want kids? Kurt still wasn’t sure. He just figured he’d wait and see if the urge struck him. 

Kurt imagined visiting Ohio with Elliott. Maybe he’d suggest that Elli go full on Starchild at Breadstix. He was sure his dad and Carole would get a kick out of that. 

It was hard to imagine what it would be like to have Elli visit McKinley with him. Elliott Gilbert was such a singularly East Coast, big city personality. Actually, it was hard to imagine visiting McKinley at all. 

Although it would be interesting to see what Sue Sylvester and Elliott made of each other. 

With that thought, Kurt started to drift off with images flitting through his mind of a big cat with Sue’s face and Elli in his glitter-decorated top hat taming her with a feather boa and a large teddy bear. 

The last image that flickered in Kurt’s mind’s eye before sleep took him was of lion-Sue curled up with the teddy bear, and a proudly smiling, beatific Elliott standing over them.


	23. Holiday Specials (Kurt)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a continuation of their evening together.

((“Look what I found on YouTube!” Elliott crowed when Kurt arrived at his apartment to utilize Elliott’s kitchen again. 

Kurt looked at the laptop Elliott held open and cringed. 

“Ohmygod. That’s on YouTube?!”

The black and white, completely saccharine and ridiculously over the top Christmas special the McKinley high glee club had performed was running on the screen. 

“No. Oh, no. I’m not watching that. Tell me you didn’t watch that?”

Elliott closed the laptop, cutting off the false chipper of Kurt’s own voice mid-fake-laugh and pulled Kurt into a hug. The distress on Kurt’s face was surprisingly genuine and Elliott felt awful for having put it there. 

“Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would bother you. I don’t want to make you feel bad, honey.”

Kurt sighed heavily. “I just... I don’t have any of those friends anymore. Not even... Anyway, it’s hard to remember that once, I belonged and...”

“Jesus, Kurt! Don’t... I really didn’t mean... How do I make it up to you? I never intended to hurt you.”

“No, you didn’t. I just... Parsons is fucking cutthroat. So was NYADA, to be honest. I just didn’t know what being in a whole group of friends was like; dysfunction and all, and that I’d miss it so much. I’m just feeling kind of...melancholy. And pathetic. I’m sorry. I don’t want to bring you down. I can go and—“

“Stop! Kurt, honey. You’re not really seeing things clearly. You told me you got Christmas cards from a bunch of people, right? Are any of them here in New York? I’m sure they’d be thrilled to see you. They’re still your friends.”

“They don’t even message me on Facebook! They’ll like a post every now and then, but they don’t really want me in their lives. I can tell.”

Elliott frowned. It seemed to him that Kurt’s perspective was likely skewed by insecurity. He wanted to help but just wasn’t sure how much he should interfere. 

“I only knew a few of them for a short time, but they all seemed to me to actually really care about you. I hope you’ll consider that maybe you’re all busy people and doing the best you can. And if you want them in your life more, maybe you need to reach out.”

“I... I’ll think about it. Now, can we make this quiche? I’m bringing Dad and Carole straight to my place from the airport tomorrow and I want to make sure there’s something homemade to eat right away.”

“Yep. Let’s break some eggs!”

Kurt chuckled but was definitely thoughtful through their time preparing and then making out until the timer buzzed. 

“Are you sure you’re not missing anything with your family by coming out to dinner tomorrow with mine?” Kurt asked while they were waiting for the quiche to cool enough to pack up. 

“Nah. Evan’s got a date, meeting his girlfriend’s family, actually.”

“And... Your folks? I don’t want to push, but you don’t really talk about them...”

“Dad’s out of state and Mom went to Bermuda with her sister for a tropical holiday,” Elliott said. He paused and touched Kurt’s back. “And I’m not deliberately obfuscating my family. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

Kurt turned and hugged him. “Thank you. I didn’t want to pry but I want so much to know everything about you.”

“Stick that in the fridge and we can talk, if you want.”

So they spent the rest of the evening talking, this time about things of more substance than favorite popsicle flavor.))

“Does your mom travel a lot?” Kurt asked. 

Elliott’s expression grew pensive. “No. She’s been really struggling with depression so Aunt Carrie suggested the trip. I’m hoping it helps, but if not I’m gonna be insisting mom goes into therapy.”

“Evan pointed out that not everyone is open enough to benefit from therapy. Do you think she is?”

“Yes. She did some therapy before, and went to a women’s group for a while when I was younger, y’know, after, and she loves Iyanla as much as I do. All I’d have to say to her is ‘Do the work’, and she’d understand.“

Kurt tilted his head. “I don’t understand.”

“That’s what Iyanla calls the process of discovery and healing.”

Kurt nodded thoughtfully. “Do you have any of her books or links to videos?”

Elli’s face lit. “Yes! I’ll loan you some. In the Meantime might be good. I’ll warn you that she’s Christian, but you know I’m not religious and it still works for me.”

Kurt nodded and shifted closer to him. Elliott’s arm tightened around his waist and he sighed in contentment. 

“Sounds like you’re close with your mom.”

“I am.”

“And your dad?”

“That’s more complicated.”

“Okay...?”

Huffing a breath, Elliott seemed to prepare himself, frowning and concentrating, then finally spoke. He said that his father believed that Elliott getting molested had made him gay, and that their father’s focus had shifted to Evan as a golden child of some kind. While Evan was pansexual, he had mostly dated girls and women, and so the boyfriend Evan had had a few years before was written off by their dad as experimentation. 

“Dad ignored the fact that the last person Ev was with before Sheniqua was non-binary. Ty was assigned female at birth but had had top surgery and dressed very androgynously. They have big green eyes, though, and I think Dad just assumed they were a girl.”

“I don’t think I would get along with your father,” Kurt muttered darkly. 

“Well, he moved to Georgia, so I don’t expect you’ll have to meet him for a while.”

Kurt warmed at the thought that Elliott was planning that they’d be together long enough to have to find a way to deal with the intolerance of Mr Gilbert. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re going to get to spend time with my dad. He’s great.”

Elliott smiled. “I know. It’ll be cool to meet Carole, too.”

Kurt smiled and snuggled closer.


	24. Christmas Eve (Kurt)

((Elliott spent way more time than he usually did picking out what to wear. He knew Kurt wouldn’t let him get away with wearing Evan’s clothes just to make a good impression on Burt and Carole, and he did want to be himself, but it was still a big deal to spend Christmas Eve with Kurt’s parents, so he dithered for twenty-five minutes. Deciding on black jeans with his combat boots instead of platforms, and a simple purple henley with a repurposed suit vest, Elliott wore only two rings and kept his sleeves rolled down so his ever-increasing-toward full sleeve tattoos were covered. 

He still felt nerves the likes of which he had never experienced, even auditioning for shows and bands, as he approached the Hummel-Hudsons standing together near the host stand at the restaurant on Christmas Eve night. 

“Elli!” Kurt’s face lit when he spotted Elliott, and he hugged him unselfconsciously. “Hi. You look great. Meet my folks!”

“Call me Carole, please, sweetheart. It’s so good to meet you,” Carole enthused, shaking Elliott’s hand. 

“You too, thank you, Carole.”

Burt looked up at Elliott and his stare was flat and assessing, making Elliott’s guts twist even while he tilted his head up and gave a sincere smile. 

“It’s very nice to officially meet you, Mr Hummel,” Elliott said, offering his hand to shake. “I think we were at a few things together when you visted Kurt before he and I...”

“Yeah, yeah. Good to meet you, too,” Burt interrupted. He side-eyed Elliott as the host led them to their table. “I’m glad you’ve been watching out for him.”

Elliott felt his polite smile widen with sincerity. “He’s strong enough to manage by himself but I’m glad he lets me help.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t really have a choice during the blizzard, did I! You hung up on me!” Kurt teased. 

“And when I talked to you when you were snowed in, you sounded happier than I’ve heard you in a long time,” Burt chided as he pulled out Carole’s chair and they all sat down. Carole shot Kurt a questioning look, but he just smiled and shrugged. Elliott realized he or Kurt might have held a chair for the other and maybe Kurt’s family expected it. 

“I am happier than I...” Kurt’s expression changed as he tilted his head and obviously considered it. “I’m happier than I’ve ever been, actually.”

Elliott froze, looking at him, feeling an incredible joy, and silence descended on the table. 

“What. I’m in love, and the man who I love is stable and supportive and confident and, just, like, wonderful. Why wouldn’t I be happy?”

Carole looked apologetically at Elliott. “We’re glad you’re happy, sweetie. We just remember Blaine, that’s all.”

“Carole...” Burt began. Elliott kept watching Kurt and saw the wistfulness in his eyes, then startled a bit when Kurt grabbed his hand firmly. 

“I know we’ve avoided the topic of Blaine. We don’t have to, though. He’s my first love, my ex-boyfriend, and he now lives in California.”

“Have you spoken to him lately?” Carole asked and Elliott watched Kurt’s face flare red and caught Burt’s jaw dropping from the corner of his eye. 

“I cannot believe how disrespectful that is! Carole! I’m here introducing my boyfriend, the man I love, to my family and you’re hinting I should get back with Blaine?!”

Carole looked appalled. “No! Oh, the timing on that question was awful, Kurt. I’m sorry. I was asking like I planned to ask about all your friends. I had no intention of disrespecting Elliott or your relationship. I’m sorry, Elliott.”

“I’m okay, Carole, thank you. So, did you guys get to see the dress Kurt had in the runway show? It was amazing,” Elliott said, squeezing Kurt’s hand and trying to shift the conversation into a more comfortable direction. 

~~*~~

Staying overnight at Kurt’s place was always an exercise in no privacy. The space was so small that they couldn’t be anywhere out of line of sight of each other, except in the bathroom, and they were always close enough they could read each other’s body language and facial expressions. 

Kurt was tense and self conscious, and Elliott wanted to go to him and soothe him, but he knew Kurt needed time. And space, which he wasn’t getting. 

“Hon, I can go home and meet you tomorrow with Ev.”

Kurt’s posture tightened to steel but he didn’t turn around from where he stood facing the window. “What?”

“It seems like maybe you need some time alone tonight, and that’s fine. I can go...” Elliott looked at Kurt’s reflection in the glass and saw a bright shine to his eyes. “Unless you want me to stay and comfort you. I don’t exactly know which you’d prefer.”

Kurt hugged himself and lowered his head and Elliott took that as his answer. He moved around the narrow space at the foot of the lowered bed and wrapped his arms around Kurt, who turned in his embrace and buried his face in Elliott’s shirt. 

“‘M sorry,” came the garbled words. Elliott stroked up and down Kurt’s back, holding him firmly. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, honey. I’m glad to be here with you, but if you ever need some time alone, I won’t freak out. Now, you were upset all evening after Carole brought up Blaine. Do you want to talk about him?”

Kurt sniffed and turned his head so his cheek was against Elliott’s chest, with him snuggled down close, not hugging Elliott back but letting himself be cradled. Elliott felt an amazing warmth through his body at the trust Kurt was giving him. 

“I don’t know. I do and I don’t. He was... We were... But it really is over, and I am so happy with you and...”

“You wanna get ready for bed and we can talk all curled up in the dark? I’m not going to judge you, Kurt. I’m here for you any way you need me.”

“Yeah.”

Once settled in, Elliott opened his arms to Kurt, and they tangled together facing each other. There was a faint light from outside, but their faces were shadowed and Elliott felt Kurt relaxing. 

“I loved him so much,” Kurt whispered. 

“I know you did. And he loved you, too.”

“We just... It fell apart. The stress of living together and going to school together and spending time with our friends together... I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to be everything he needed, but I just couldn’t. I wasn’t enough. I’m selfish and controlling and—“

“I’m not letting you put yourself down, Kurt. If you want to talk about what happened, that’s fine, but it takes two for things to work so you don’t get to wallow in self-recriminations.”

Kurt huffed. “You know it’s true, though.”

“No. I don’t think those things about you.”

Kurt sniffled. “What...what do you think about me?” His voice was timid, and his vulnerable fragility tore at Elliott. 

“I think you feel driven to succeed. I’m not sure that comes from the healthiest of places, but it’s okay as long as you take care of yourself while you’re working so hard. I think that whether you like it or not, you’re an introvert and you need alone time to recharge, and you’re more sensitive than you let on. I see you try to control everything so that nothing gets misunderstood or goes wrong, which, by the way, doesn’t always work. I think that you love deeply and you get inextricably attached to people and if they don’t display the same attachment, it tears you up. And I think that if you could love yourself as much as you love other people, you’d understand all this a lot better.”

Kurt’s body started to shake and Elliott knew he was crying. 

“I think you’re a beautifully imperfect man and I love you very much,” Elliott said, and pulled Kurt close.))

Why had Carole bringing up Blaine bothered him so much, Kurt wondered. 

Sure, at first, after their breakup, Kurt had thought about him constantly, wondering how he was doing, hoping he was taking care of himself, especially since there were so many things Kurt had done for him while they lived together. It had been awful going from too much time together to none at all. When he’d heard Blaine transferred to a school in LA, he’d almost called him to make sure he was okay. Thankfully, he’d mentioned the impulse to his father who had reminded him that it wasn’t Kurt’s job to anticipate everything Blaine wanted or needed anymore, and that it never really had been healthy for him to do that anyway. 

But Carole had seemed to expect that Kurt had kept up with everyone from high school, but that wasn’t how things ever were after the breakup and Kurt leaving NYADA. Kurt had felt helpless for a long time, as if he’d been shunned, before he’d dived into his design work at Parsons and overwhelmed himself with projects and things to do. It wasn’t until the fateful day his power had gone out and he’d become reacquainted with Elliott that he’d started having any sort of life outside school again. 

And being with Elliott, and Evan, and the other friends of theirs whom he’d met was an entirely different world and way of interacting. Elliott strove to give Kurt what he needed, and had no problem firmly stating his own needs, even when the two contradicted. They both compromised and came out happy. 

Even the teasing at dinner out with Evan and Alex and Roman had been the same sort of humor Elli used: fun, light, and never derogatory or hurtful. When Kurt’s retorts had been biting in response, they’d all stopped and cleared the air, making sure he wasn’t lashing out from feeling attacked himself. It probably had to do in part with Elliott majoring and Evan minoring in psychology. But whatever the case, it felt good to be around them; it felt safe. 

Kurt wasn’t sure he’d ever felt completely safe anywhere but with his dad before. 

He tried to shake off the reminisces and relax to sleep. 

After all, he had Elli beside him, and, as he’d told his folks: he’d never been happier.


	25. Christmas (Kurt)

((Waking Kurt with a Christmas blow job was a very happy start to the day for both Elliott and Kurt. 

Elliott loved sucking Kurt’s big cock. He’d never been a size queen before but stretching his mouth and struggling to deep throat a boyfriend who could have done porn because of his size and beauty were things Elliott found he took really filthy pleasure in. 

“Oh... Oh-oh-oh! Elli! Fuck you’re amazing... Yes, oh— my balls too oh god! Oh! Elli, I’m-I’m gonna— Fuck!!”

Grinning, licking his lips, Elliott shook the covers off his head as he moved up to kiss Kurt good morning. 

Kurt’s face was creased from the pillow and his hair all askew and he looked absolutely perfect to Elliott. 

“Ohmygod. Good morning, Merry Christmas, thank you, I love you. How’s that?” Kurt said, laughing as he pulled away, his tongue working inside his mouth in a way that made Elliott certain he was savoring the taste of his come from Elliott’s own mouth. 

“Perfect. And ditto, my love.”

Kurt flopped back against the pillows. 

“I’m inclined to stay in bed all day now.”

“You could, but I think it’ll be awkward when Evan and your folks arrive.”

“You’re killing my buzz,” Kurt stated, then sat up abruptly. “Oh shit. I’m being very impolite. Let’s go shower and see if I can get you off before the hot water runs out.”

Turned out, he could. 

With that auspicious start, Christmas Day went more smoothly than Christmas Eve had. 

Kurt had moved on from the mention of Blaine the evening before, and so there wasn’t any tension between him and Carole and everyone enjoyed spending the time together. Evan was quiet at first as he seemed to observe the group dynamics, but then he began smoothly inserting himself into the conversation and soon was a lively member. 

Elliott warmed when he saw his twin talking with Kurt and Burt after dinner while he washed the dishes with Carole. Well, with the micro-kitchen Kurt had miraculously prepared a meal for all five of them, Elliott washed and turned around to hand each item for Carole to dry and put away. He so wanted Evan and Kurt to get along: the two most important men in his life.))

Playing board games on Christmas, with a football game on in the background, was a Hummel tradition that Burt and Kurt had spread to the Hudsons when the two families blended. Kurt was happy that it wasn’t a new idea to Elli and Evan. 

Of course, setting up a way for five people to sit around a flat surface together in Kurt’s apartment was a challenge. 

The loveseat was moved to the wall where the bistro set usually rested, with the table pulled out, and two boards that were normally used to firm up the murphy bed set atop the small surface to form a larger tabletop. The two little chairs were right in front of the sink and fridge, so Burt and Evan, the two people most interested in the football game, sat on the chairs, and the tv wall mount angled it so they could sort of see it. Carole got the loveseat and Kurt and Elliott sat on the edge of the bed. 

While a bit precarious, it worked for several rounds of Yahtzee, and two games of Mexican Train Dominos, a game which Burt and Carole loved. 

But the more delicate setup of Monopoly with houses and hotels carefully placed, were easily upset when a huge play went down on the television and both Burt and Evan jumped up and rushed to see the replay. 

Kurt laughed as Elli picked the houses from Park Place and Broadway out of his hair, and then they crawled on the floor to find all the other game pieces and pastel colored money. 

Most of the mess was cleared up by the time Evan and Burt’s attention returned to the area. 

“Oh shit,” Evan said. 

“Oops,” Burt said. 

“You two get to serve the pie in penance,” Kurt told them. “I’ll take apple a la mode.”

“Pumpkin for me,” Carole chimed in. 

“And I want a slice of each,” Elliott said. 

Evan and Burt didn’t argue but seemed resigned to the duty. After all, they’d get pie, too.


	26. Kwanzaa (Kurt)

((“Joyous Kwanzaa, honey!”

Kurt blinked. “Um, you, too. Is this, um, like the solstice thing?”

“I suppose it could end in a sex marathon, too, but actually I just like to do what I can during Kwanzaa to honor the culture that helps make our lives diverse. I’m going to a drum circle later if you want to come.”

Kurt was looking perplexed. “Okay, I know you’re open and into cultural diversity but...”

“My first serious boyfriend’s family celebrated it. I’m still friends with him. Sudi, you remember, the bald guy who jumped up on the table when we did Express Yourself at that club in Hell’s Kitchen when we were still Pamela Lansbury?”

“The ripped one who pulled his shirt off and carried you out over his shoulder when we were done with our set? Yeah, kind of unforgettable.”

“He was saving me from those teenagers who kept trying to be groupies!”

“Yeah, those girls got the point that you were gay after that.”

“Exactly. He’s awesome. His sister has a shop in Brooklyn, and I always go buy something there this week. And of course I make sure to get my groceries at the bodega by my place: the owners are West African, too.”

“I guess I don’t really know anything about Kwanzaa.”

“Think of it as a celebration of a culture and a time of solidarity.”

“Will Sudi be at the drum circle?”

“Yeah, of course. He has this great djembe—“

“Do you think he’ll take his shirt off?”

Elliott cracked up. “Yeah, probably.”

“I’m in.”))

Kurt loved music. And he’d seen some drum performances in the past that convinced him that they were more than just a tool to help keep the tempo. 

But he’d never been at an event with a big crowd of drummers all improvising playing their own rhythms and creating something of near orchestral scope. 

They were in a church basement, and the sound was overwhelming. It made Kurt walk in a dancing dream as he brought a drink back to Elli, who’d danced hard for one...song? Piece? Kurt didn’t have the language to describe this experience. 

Elliott kissed his cheek and chugged the water. Sudi stood beside him, bare-chested (as predicted), and he smiled at Kurt. 

“You starting to feel it!” Sudi shouted to Kurt. 

Kurt placed his hand on his chest and mimicked the thump he felt from the largest instruments, nodding. 

But Sudi rolled his eyes and placed a hand on Kurt’s forehead and another over his heart. 

Kurt smiled and nodded in more understanding. He was feeling something amazing, something akin to a performance high or the transcendental experience of witnessing a peak performance of a play or musical. 

Movement caught his attention and Kurt looked back to Elli, who had stripped his own shirt off. Kurt grinned appreciatively, and let out a squeak when Elliott nodded to Sudi and each of them took one hand and they led him out into the dancers. 

Kurt lost himself, even beyond anything he’d ever experienced dancing in a club. He became part of the larger unit that consisted of the musicians drumming and the dancers dancing. 

There was no self-consciousness; no trying to impress anyone, not even the two gorgeous, half-naked men who guided him. 

There was just the rhythm, and the movement, and the energy. 

Kurt was swept away.


	27. Free Day

((Having seen Burt and Carole off the previous morning, and being on break from school, Kurt and Elliott had a day to sleep in with no expectations of going or doing. They’d slept at Elliott’s apartment after the drum circle they’d attended to celebrate Kwanzaa with Elliott’s friend Sudi. Not only had Elliott gotten Kurt to dance to the echoing rhythms the drummers had produced, he’d even gotten Kurt to try a bit of drumming himself. Watching Kurt join in with his tentative dum—tic-dum-dum, Elliott had greatly enjoyed seeing him relax and get into the flow. Kurt’s long legs holding Sudi’s big djembe steady between his knees had caused desire to heat Elliott’s blood and only the exhaustion from dancing and drumming had kept them from taking advantage of it the night before. 

Elliott woke with his head on Kurt’s arm and his own hand resting on Kurt’s stomach. Kurt didn’t look like he’d been rode hard and put away wet like he had the last time Elliott had taken time to watch him sleep. 

Elliott smiled. Kurt looked...like Kurt. The man Elliott was so in love with he regularly imagined how their life together might go as they matured and even grew old. Kids? Maybe. But even if Kurt didn’t want them, Elliott was okay with that. The career he hoped he’d have would probably allow him to spend enough time with children to satisfy his desire for the excuse to play and run around like an idiot. He could always mentor, too. 

Elliott just knew that he wanted Kurt in his life as he navigated its perils and joys. 

It was going to be a very good day.))

Kurt woke to tingling in his arm and a hand wrapped around his morning wood. Blinking he realized Elliott’s head was on the arm, and when his boyfriend saw he was awake, Elli moved to kiss him and that arm was suddenly prickling with pins and needles. 

“Mmph,” Kurt grunted inelegantly. Elliott drew back and smiled at him. 

“Joyous—“ 

“Kwanzaa... That’s right, it’s still Kwanzaa. What do you wanna do to— Oohhh...”

Kurt lazily moved his hips in response to Elliott’s hand jacking him. 

“Today I thought I could show you how sexy I found your drumming and dancing last night.”

“I must have looked absurd—“

“If this is me showing you how you looked to me, what can you deduce that I thought?”

Elliott’s palm twisted against Kurt’s cock on the upstroke and he moaned. 

“I take it back. I was brilliant and beautiful...”

Elliott chuckled. “Yes. You were.”

Kurt enjoyed the wonderful wake-up orgasm, then slithered under the covers to share his own appreciation of Elliott’s behavior. 

Wiping the corners of his mouth as he wriggled free of the sheets, Kurt settled beside the panting, recovering Elli, enjoying watching the flush of his face settle and the sated look in his eyes. 

“So...since I was so rudely but brilliantly interrupted: what do you want to do to celebrate today?”

Elliott brushed Kurt’s hair off his forehead and kissed him lightly. “Well, that was a nice start.”

“More of that, then? Do you wanna stay in bed all day?” The thought was appealing. 

“Bed,” Elli parroted, kissing Kurt. “Shower,” he expanded, kissing him again, “sofa,” kiss, “kitchen counter,” kiss, “mmm, bed again,” kiss, “bath?”

Kurt giggled. “So, a sex marathon christening your entire apartment?”

“We’ve already done some of those.”

“Still. How is that Kwanzaa related?”

“Joyous?”

“That it is, my love. I’m up for it if you are.”

Elliott cupped Kurt’s crotch, then his own. “Not yet, but we will be. Breakfast first? Fortify ourselves?”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I love you. Go make me pancakes.”

“Bossy,” Elli sung as he rolled out of the bed. 

“You love it.”

Elliott leaned back and kissed him again. “I love you.”


	28. Sledding

((“I’m still not sure this is a good idea,” Kurt said as Elliott led him toward the crowds of people at Cedar Hill. 

“Look, I get that you were a more delicate kid. But you’re a big, strong man now, honey, and you deserve to enjoy the thrill of sledding.”

So sled they did. After half a dozen runs on the lower section, Elliott convinced Kurt to try the upper section, and they laughed and enjoyed taking turns with their legs wrapped around each other before they decided they’d had enough. 

“Next time, ice skating,” Kurt declared. 

“But I don’t know how to skate!”

Kurt laughed at the role reversal and Elliott was forced to agree that it would be only fair.))

So the next day, taking full advantage that they were both still on break from school, they went skating. 

Kurt enjoyed having the upper hand, but he had to admit that Elli took to the ice much quicker than he’d expected. 

Within an hour they were at least able to skate together as a couple and not with Kurt having to hold Elli up. 

“How is it that you’re so good at everything?” Kurt asked. 

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the better performer, you picked this up like it was nothing, you write music and poetry, you’re going to graduate with honors, you—“

“You’re a better cook, you design amazing clothing and dress impeccably yourself, you’ve written an entire musical while you were still in high school—“

“But I’m so bad at—“

“Hey,” Elliott stopped and pulled Kurt over to the wall. “What’s going on, hon? You sound like you’re feeling very down on yourself.”

Kurt looked up into Elli’s eyes. “I guess I feel like things are lopsided, with us.”

Elliott looked puzzled. “I don’t get that. How do you mean?”

“I’m needy. I’m controlling. I’m barely scraping by with scholarships and help from my dad—“

“Kurt! What’s this really about?”

“Yesterday,” Kurt finally sighed, blushing. 

“Huh? We had a great day yesterday, and the day before, too! Jesus, I’m chafed, honey. My dick is sore. I...are you trying to tell me you’re not, um, am I asking too much of you? Sex is just part of our relationship. I don’t want you to feel obligated—“

“You didn’t, um, finish, that last time. I couldn’t satisfy you, and—“

Elliott interrupted him with a kiss. “Kurt. I came three times in an afternoon. It’s okay that I didn’t come a fourth time when we were grinding while we were half asleep.”

“I...I just don’t know if you find me attractive. You were with Sudi, for god’s sake! The man is ripped!”

Elliott’s hands in their fingerless gloves cupped Kurt’s cheeks and angled his face so Kurt was looking right at him. 

“Nothing about what I have had before compares to what we have now. Don’t ever feel like you aren’t enough for me. You are yourself, and I am myself. We’re not puzzle pieces making a whole. One and one makes two. I’m complete, on my own. I am enough. And so are you. You are whole and beautiful and astounding. You are enough, on your own, period. And then we get to be together and share wonderful experiences and feelings! We’re not two halves, where you need to fulfil me, or me you. Always, always tell me if something is bothering you, like last night, or if you don’t want to do something. Loving each other doesn’t magically grant us telepathy or make us perfectly in tune with each other. Relationships are work. They’re compromise, and acceptance. You are enough, Kurt.”

Kurt wasn’t sure he understood the scope of what Elliott was trying to tell him, but he felt better. 

“I love you, Elli.”

“I love you, too.”

Elliott kissed Kurt on the forehead, then the lips, then they skated off together, hand in hand.


	29. Vacation (Kurt)

((Elliott answered the door while he was still on the phone with his dad. 

“I was just hoping— I haven’t gone in three years since you sent us to avoid us doing spring break in Florida, so... No, okay. Yeah, maybe then. Uh-huh. Yeah, you too.”

Ending the call, Elliott snarled. Kurt looked stunned. 

“Are you okay? I’ve never seen you get angry before!”

Sighing heavily, Elliott shrugged and shook his head, deliberately letting the frustration go. 

“I’m frustrated and disappointed and, angry. I was asking my Dad about St Lucia and he had excuse after flimsy excuse. He just... He’s so disappointed that I’m gay. I know I have to just keep living my life and be matter of fact about it and keep my expectations under control and accept that it’s not really about me, but...”

“It totally sucks.”

“Yup. Completely.”

“We can do something else for spring break, Elli. I don’t mind skipping leaving the country. And we’re pretty close to the ocean here, so we can just head east and check that off my life list!”

Elliott smiled thinly. “I don’t want your first time at the ocean being fucking Atlantic City or something. I want it to be magical for you.”

“I’ll be with you, so it’ll be magical no matter what.”

Elliott burst out laughing. “Jesus, you’re fucking cheesy!”

Kurt blushed and laughed. “Maybe. Okay, yeah, that was cheeseball, but you’re laughing and it’s true, so I don’t care.”

Elliott warmed with affection and pulled Kurt into a hug. 

“You’re so damned sweet. I love you.”

“Yeah. Don’t you forget it, either!”))

 

“Hey, it’s Evan. I want to get your help with a gift I’m doing for Ell. Give me a call when you get a chance.”

Kurt was surprised to receive a voicemail from Elliott’s twin, but called him back as soon as he had a few minutes free. 

“He was talking about wanting to go to Miami, and I have a friend who lives there and works as a DJ at a club. For a surprise I’m trying to arrange for Ell to sing with a local band, but I need you to figure out exactly when you two can be there as well as make sure he’s got his Starchild stuff with him when you go.”

“Oh, wow! Yeah, what about spring break? Elli wanted to use your dad’s time share but I guess he said no, so maybe that week could work?”

“Wait...Dad refused to let Ell use the time share? That’s bullshit!”

“I...I’ve never seen Elli so mad before. I guess I don’t really understand...”

“Dad’s...ugh. He’s a real dick to Ell. It’s shitty.”

“I got that impression.”

“Okay, well, let me know when your spring break is, and if you think you can talk Ell into Miami. I’m sure mom would let you guys use her convertible. Once you get part way down the coast, you’d have so much fun in it!”

Kurt laughed at Evan’s enthusiasm. It reminded him of Elliott’s. 

“I will I think this is incredibly sweet of you.”

“Aw, well, thanks, Kurt. I’m glad I have an ally for my sneaky plans now!”

“Um...”

“Gotta go!”

Kurt heard the call disconnect and wondered what he’d let himself in for.


	30. Drinking (Kurt)

((“—my birthday, I get to choose who sings what songs! This is the song for you two!”

“Sudi, it’s a sad song! We’re happy! Can’t we do something else?!” Kurt protested. 

“I want to hear you two sing together and I love this song. I’m recording it for YouTube so you best do good!”

Kurt and Elliott looked at each other and Elliott shrugged. He didn’t mind: he loved singing with Kurt, so Kurt was stuck helplessly agreeing. 

They mounted the small stage when it was their turn and the melancholy opening of the song played. 

Met my old lover in the grocery store...

Elliott took the first stanza and they traded off, harmonizing on the chorus. 

Just for a moment I was back at school  
And felt that old familiar pain...

Kurt sang the final stanza and had tears in his eyes as it touched much too close to his heart. 

Afterward, the men settled on Sudi’s giant beanbag ‘Love Sack’ together, and Elliott waited while he watched Kurt struggling through some emotional issue. 

“I miss Blaine,” Kurt finally confessed. Then his eyes widened and he backpedaled. “Not, like, as a boyfriend! I love you, Elli, I’m not—“

Elliott kissed him to stop the babble. 

“I’m not worried. Go ahead and tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I...Blaine was my best friend. We were so close. He saw me through... Anyway. I miss that. I miss being his friend.”

Elliott stroked down Kurt’s cheek with his fingertip. “Was he one of the people who sent you a Christmas card?”

Kurt nodded. 

“Then I think that’s an indication that he still wants you in his life. You should call him.”

Kurt seemed to have to build himself up to it, but after a deep breath, nodded decisively. 

“I’m going to do it now before I lose my nerve.”

“Atta-boy,” Elliott said. It felt good that Kurt didn’t get up for privacy but stayed pressed right against Elliott’s side while he scrolled through his contacts and called his ex-boyfriend, but Elliott distracted himself by seeing what song Sudi had forced the next person to sing. 

“—think so. We’re at a party now, so I don’t think we had major plans for tomorrow. Hang on,” Kurt said, drawing Elliott’s attention. “He’s here in town! Inviting us to the New Directions New Year’s Eve party tomorrow. What do you think?”

Elliott mouthed his response, trying to ask if Kurt really wanted to go. He was absolutely willing to be Kurt’s reason to say no if he wasn’t ready to see everyone. 

But Kurt nodded enthusiastically. 

“Sure!” Elliott said. And so they had plans for New Year’s Eve. Elliott wasn’t sure he was as excited as Kurt seemed to be, but when Kurt was happy, it made everything better for Elliott, so he considered it a win.))

 

As fun as it was to hang out with Elliott’s friends, Kurt found himself thinking of how great and different it would be to see the old glee gang now that he’d gained so much confidence. 

Being with Elli, and with Elli’s friends, Kurt’s perspective was so different. He wanted to let everyone know that he was succeeding at Parsons and that his boyfriend was supportive of his new endeavors. 

He’d be able to hold his head high and tell them how his instructors thought he was talented and how great his runway experience had been. He’d make the McKinley gang laugh at his tale of Sebastian’s drunken proposition. 

He’d see Blaine, and they could reconnect with more understanding of how things had gone wrong as boyfriends but could be great as supportive friends who shared past experiences. 

Wanting Elli to be welcomed into the fold so he could understand the craziness that had helped Kurt develop into who he was, Kurt imagined Elliott’s reactions and responses to Rachel and Artie and the rest. He wasn’t sure who would be there, but he knew it would be an unforgettable night. 

Sudi came by, pulling them off their cozy seat, pressed drinks on them, and danced off again, encouraging them to be social. 

After downing the alcohol, Kurt pulled Elliott over to where there were pairs and triads and singles dancing, and they spent the rest of the time at the party there, moving together, sharing looks, and teasing each other until they got too worked up and had to head out to Kurt’s apartment, the closest place where they could have some privacy to continue the sensual movements they’d settled into on the dance floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we’re almost caught up to the cliffhanger! I have four chapters written for after, and an epilogue I’m still working on. I just wanted to let y’all know that the end is in sight!


	31. Midnight Kiss (Kurt)

The New Directions party didn’t go at all like Kurt had planned and hoped. 

Upon arrival it was wonderful to be greeted by familiar faces and voices, and he preened under the compliments about how well he he looked. 

People’s expressions changed when Kurt introduced Elliott as his boyfriend, however. 

“Dude, it sucks to be you,” Jake said to Elliott as they shook hands. Kurt frowned but was distracted by Brittany hugging him. 

The only part of Jake’s explanation Kurt caught was the word ‘rebound’.

Artie was more subtle, making jokes about ‘Klaine’ and the enduring legacy, and Kurt could only shake his head and squeeze Elli’s hand in an attempt to reassure him before he was bombarded by other New Directions members, some of whom he had only briefly even met before. 

Several times Elliott caught Kurt’s attention and asked after Kurt’s well-being with an arched eyebrow, but Kurt could only shrug helplessly. 

The comments dogging Elliott and Kurt’s relationship grew more pointed as more alcohol flowed, and Kurt found himself tempted to leave, but he had come to see Blaine, to try to make a start at getting back to a friendship with him, and Blaine wasn’t there yet. 

Kurt also found himself struggling to respond to the criticism of him dating Elliott in ways other than brushing them off. He felt terrible. He wanted the people he’d cared about in high school to understand and be supportive of him moving on, but he couldn’t seem to find a way to make that happen. 

The evening went from bad to worse when Blaine arrived, drunk, and in the company of a sneering Cooper. 

Kurt tried to explain to Blaine that he was happy with Elliott, but Blaine got stuck on his assumption that Kurt and Elliott must have started seeing each other back when Elliott first joined Kurt’s band, and Blaine just wouldn’t listen, especially when everyone else started chiming in with criticism of Kurt going behind Blaine’s back, even bringing up the time in high school when Blaine had accused Kurt of cheating when he exchanged flirtatious texts with a boy he’d met in the music store. 

Kurt had had enough. He cut loose, snapping and snarling and venting about all the ways he’d been put down in the past by those who were now ganging up on him simply because he had found someone who was kind and supportive and loving. Kurt called bullshit on the whole mess, and only stopped ranting when Marley desperately whispered in her date’s ear to get everyone’s attention. 

And he did. The young man yelled that the ball was dropping and everyone chorused the countdown, shifting focus to the tv screen. 

Everyone except Blaine. 

Blaine put his hands on Kurt’s arms and just looked at him with pleading eyes. 

Kurt fell into the look. Blaine had beautiful, expressive eyes, that Kurt had always loved gazing into. And when Blaine looked at him like that, with hurt and need and love, Kurt had never been able to refuse him anything. 

Blaine pulled him forward and kissed him, and Kurt acquiesced, as always. The familiarity of Blaine’s lips, of the scent of his hair gel and cologne, swamped Kurt’s mind, and he kissed back, tentatively. 

“Honey?”

Elli. 

Kurt jerked away from Blaine. What was he doing, kissing Blaine?! He loved Elli, he wanted Elli, he only desired friendship from Blaine, not...that!

The world tilted, and Kurt stumbled back, bewildered. Nothing made sense. He couldn’t breathe. He needed air. He needed to get out, to get away from Blaine and all his former friends, from their cruelty and judgement. 

Out. 

He need to get out. 

Kurt ran. 

 

 

((Everyone assumed Kurt was at the New Directions New Year’s Eve party to get Blaine back. 

Elliott was using every calming technique he’d ever learned, from humor to yogic breathing, not to get angry and pull Kurt out of the loft apartment with all of the former glee kids who’d been able to make it. 

It started out mild, and was actually amusing at first, but the more everyone drank, the more they insisted that Elliott was a rebound and Kurt would eventually get back together with Blaine. 

Kurt was dismissive of every suggestion anyone made about it, and stayed near Elliott, holding his hand and keeping him involved in the conversations, so Elliott didn’t have any hard feelings toward Kurt, but the looks he received made the skin prickle on the back of his neck. 

And then Blaine arrived with Cooper, at nearly eleven-forty. They’d already been drinking it seemed, and Blaine’s filter was about as effective as mesh holding water. He babbled about how he’d known he was right that there was something between Kurt and Elliott before he and Kurt broke up, and that comment drew even more of an audience. 

Kurt denied it, and argued vehemently with all comers, even tearing into people about abandoning him once he left NYADA and wasn’t the K in Klaine anymore. 

Elliott tried several times to check in and see if Kurt just wanted to leave, but he saw the catharsis happening for Kurt with him being able to say anything and everything he’d ever wanted to to those people. So he held Kurt’s hand and stood tall beside him. 

It was impossible to know if Kurt was burning all his bridges with his heartfelt bitterness as he spewed it at everyone who attacked him. Elliott knew there had been many terrible rows among the group of friends so maybe this would lead to clear skies from which stronger friendships would emerge. 

A tall Latino man who was apparently the plus one of someone in the group shouted out that the ball was dropping and started the countdown to New Year’s. 

It was a distraction for everyone, and Elliott closed his eyes in relief. 

“Two...”

“One...”

“Happy New Year!”

Elliott’s eye flew open when Kurt’s hand pulled from his and he stared in shock as Blaine kissed Kurt. 

And Kurt kissed back. 

“Honey?” Elliott said calmly. 

His voice seemed to break the spell, and Kurt staggered backward, covering his mouth, eyes wild, before turning and running for the door. 

Elliott grabbed their coats and followed.))


	32. Home

Kurt didn’t make it far. It was freezing outside and he was already turning back toward the door of the building when Elliott came out. 

“Elli, I’m so sorry, ohmygod, I don’t know what—“

Elliott held Kurt’s coat open and slipped it on while Kurt awkwardly stared at him over his shoulder. 

“Really, I don’t know what that was even about, Elli, I’m so sorry please don’t be mad at me please don’t break up with me I don’t want to break up with you—“

“Kurt.”

Kurt’s eyes were flooded with tears and he choked in a breath to start again. 

“Stop. Let’s just...” Elliott swiped his hand over his face. “Let’s just go. We’ll talk about it at home.”

~~*~~

Home. 

Elliott had said they were going home, together. That had to mean they were okay, right? Kurt’s mind was twisting and turning like the hamster Georgio his mom and he had had when he was little, with the plastic tunnels running all over the place so that they never knew which way the little thing would run. 

So they walked together to the subway station, but Elliott didn’t put his arm around Kurt, nor take his hand. 

Right hand turn and Kurt’s brain was scurrying around in the dark thought that Elli didn’t want to break up with him in public and home meant nothing except that Elliott wanted to go to his own place and he’d never want Kurt there again and what the fuck had taken over him and how had that kiss happened and why had he responded to Blaine that way when he was all wound up from Rachel saying he was wasting himself at Parsons and Artie suggesting that Kurt compromise and go into costuming and work on his next short film and Santana glaring and muttering in Spanish and Brittany saying that Elliott didn’t look like other dolphins, and...

Oh god. Kurt was about to lose everything.

He clutched the ring above him on the subway car and tried not to cry. 

~~*~~

Kurt ran off the subway at the wrong station, and Elliott almost missed the chance to dart through the closing doors to go after him. 

He caught up on the street and turned Kurt with a firm grip on his arm. 

Kurt was sobbing, and Elliott’s heart broke. 

“I wanted to talk at home, but I think you need to do it now,” Elliott said. “So go ahead, Kurt. Tell me what happened, because I need to understand, hon.”

“He kissed me. He pulled me in and kissed me and it was nostalgic and familiar and I was suddenly 16 and it was Blaine and I lost myself, just for a minute.”

“You’re almost 21 now Kurt,” Elliott said, shaking his head, not understanding. 

“Or 19, whatever! It wasn’t that long ago that Blaine was the only boy I’d ever chosen to kiss. I’m sorry, okay? I’m so, so sorry and I will promise you that it will never happen again. I love you, Elli. I do. I’m so happy with you, and I don’t want this stupid thing with Blaine to get in the way of us.”

Kurt’s life experience had been so different from Elliott’s. Elliott had never been in love like this before, but Kurt had. Kurt had loved Blaine, and Elliott finally understood how that felt. He could imagine that if he lost Kurt, and someday ran into him and Kurt kissed him, that his heart would remember, and respond, no matter the situation. 

Elliott put his hands on Kurt’s shoulders and pulled him in, kissing not his lips but his forehead. 

“Okay. I get it. But I need some time to think, honey. To process. I love you.”

“Elli, please...”

“Go home, Kurt. Give me a little time.”

Fresh tears poured down Kurt’s cheeks, and his eyes were awash in fear: They tore at Elliott’s self-control. 

A flash of yellow caught Elliott’s attention and he turned and whistled piercingly, waving. And somehow, the taxi was empty and stopped for them. 

“We’ll share, alright? I don’t want you trying to manage the subway while you’re so upset.”

Some of Kurt’s tension eased, and they got into the cab. 

Kurt leaned toward him, and Elliott wasn’t heartless enough to deny him comfort: he put his arm around Kurt and felt Kurt shaking as he cried. 

“Shh, honey. I love you. I love you,” Elliott murmured into Kurt’s hair, and by the time they arrived at Kurt’s apartment building, he’d stopped crying. 

“I love you, Elli. Please, please don’t doubt that. And I’m so sorry...”

“Shh. I know you are.”

Elliott kissed his forehead again and nodded toward the door. 

Reluctance in every line of him, Kurt left the taxi and went inside, looking back no less than four times as he moved. 

Elliott raised a hand in farewell and gave the driver his address.


	33. Why?

Kurt’s phone buzzed, and he stifled a sob in his already raw throat when he saw it was his dad calling. 

“I think I lost Elli and I can’t stand it, Blaine kissed me and I kissed him back and now Elli won’t answer my calls and I had the best relationship with the kindest, most compassionate man and I can’t lose him, Dad!”

“Whoa, Kurt, buddy, what the hell does Blaine have to do with anything?”

Kurt confessed to missing his old friends and going to the party the previous night, to standing up to everyone about abandoning him, and then about Blaine’s arrival and how he’d been drunk and accused Kurt of being with Elliott before they’d broken up. 

“And I just lost it! Everyone jumped in on his side and I cut loose and told everyone what I thought of so-called friends who turned on me...” Kurt’s bluster from the recollection of how good it had felt to tell everyone off faded and his voice dropped. “Then the countdown, and at midnight, Blaine just, he was looking at me with those eyes that I thought I was going to look into for the rest of my life, and he pulled me in and kissed me, and it was just... It was Blaine. And I kissed back and Elli said something and I was so shocked that I could have kissed Blaine when I had Elliott...”

“Oh, Kurt. Man, if this ain’t a mess you got yourself into...”

“You don’t think I know that?!”

“No, of course you do, but listen a second, okay?”

“Uh-huh.”

“You need to figure out why you’re upset here—“

“What?! I’m upset because I lost Elli!”

“Stop it, Kurt. You’re jumping to conclusions. All this just happened last night. You’ve still got a chance with Elliott, I’m sure of it.”

“How?”

“I’ll tell you, but just trust me here. Now, are you upset for hurting Elliott or because you think you’ve lost him?”

“I... I hate the thought that I hurt him, Dad, but I guess... I’ve been wallowing in self pity thinking I lost him.”

“Hey, look, a grief counselor I saw after we lost your mom told me that all the stuff I was feeling was all valid and important, but that I would eventually have to start thinking, too, instead of just feeling.”

“That...sounds like something Elli would say.”

“So think about it. Why are you upset?”

Kurt took a deep breath and tried. “I’m afraid Elli thinks I want Blaine back.”

“So, when he’s ready to talk you can set him straight on that. What else?”

“I don’t know! I can’t see past the thought that I’ve lost him!”

“Okay, then, why did you kiss Blaine?”

“It was... It was so familiar. It felt like what I had to do.”

“Had to. Huh. So you didn’t want to kiss him but you couldn’t bring yourself to push him away?”

“It just didn’t even cross my mind, until I heard Elli.”

“And what did you feel when you heard him? Guilt? Annoyance?”

“Shame,” Kurt whispered. “And horror.”

“Ah, Kurt.”

Tears trickled down Kurt’s cheeks. 

“Bud, something else you need to think about is what you want—“

“I want Elli!”

“—and why. Because he wants you? Because you’re feeling lost and alienated? Or because you, Kurt, you, want him? Don’t think about what anyone else expects from you, not even Elliott. What do you want?”

“I want to be the man who’s worthy of Elli.”

“Eh, that still sounds like it’s about his wants.”

“No, see, he doesn’t try to make me fit some idea he has of me! He encourages me to be me, and to make my choices and live the best kind of life I can!”

“According to him, or to you?”

“Me.”

“Damn, kid, that sounds pretty amazing.”

“It is. I want to walk bravely at his side and live fully, and see all the incredible things he’ll accomplish and know he’ll be by my side through anything and everything.”

“I guess I should tell you that he called me.”

“What, Elli?”

“Yeah. He said you needed someone and it couldn’t be him right now.”

“Ohmygod.”

“Uh-huh. So I’m gonna call him back and tell him you’re doing some soul searching, and when he’s ready to have a serious conversation, he should call you.”

“Th-thank you, Dad,” Kurt choked out. 

“Get some rest. I’m sure you haven’t slept.”

“Okay. I think maybe I can, now.”


	34. Bridge

Evan showed up on New Year’s Day in the morning without Elliott having to call him. He let himself into his twin’s apartment and stripped down to his boxers and crawled into bed beside Elliott, pulling his own childhood teddy bear from Elliott’s arms and letting Elliott wrap around him instead. 

“Tammy,” Elliott muttered, and Evan knew that somehow, Kurt had kissed someone else the night before. 

“Jorge?” Evan asked, and was relieved that Elliott shook his head no. Kurt and Ell hadn’t broken up. “Lilac,” Evan offered, for hope of a positive outcome. 

“Periwinkle,” Elliott replied tearfully. His color of fear. 

“Mm.”

Evan held him closer and rubbed his back, soothing him to sleep. 

Several hours later, they got up and had breakfast together. 

Elliott’s phone kept buzzing and Evan finally picked it up. Voicemails and frantic texts from Kurt were all over the screen. Evan looked at Elliott and raised his eyebrows. 

Elliott sighed and took the phone from him. He didn’t read anything, but called someone and told them that Kurt needed support. Evan’s heart ached. Elliott took care of the people he loved, no mater how hurt he was. 

They washed the dishes up and sat on the couch together. Evan gave Elliott a look, and they both started talking at once. 

“I need to decide how to talk to him before I—“

“Who did he kiss? Yes, get your head straight before—“

“—his ex kissed him at midnight, stole our first New Years kiss—see him, and I know he’s freaking out but—“

“—I would have punched the dude—you love him so much I’ve never seen you like this—“

“—I just want to be able to see the bigger picture—you can’t just go around punching people, Ev, you’re an adult—so we can move forward in a healthy way—“

“—do what’s right for you I don’t want you spiraling—fuck it I’ll punch someone if they deserve to be punched—when are you gonna talk to him who’d you call anyway—“

“I’m not fifteen, I have coping skills and support—I called his dad, that’s all he has he burned bridges last night with all his high school friends—“

“—therapists tend to be messed up people I really don’t know why you wanna do that—“

“—call him later when I have a chance to process—there are perfectly healthy people in the field of psychology why are you studying it if you think that you hypocrite—I just needed some time to wallow in self-pity—“

“—want me to talk to him I’ll set him straight—I want to know why people do shit they do they’re crazy—“

“—don’t want him straight, I want him on my cock—there’s reasons for everything it’s so much brain chemistry—“

“—sure you do I’ve seen that ass stop hiding behind humor—taken the same classes you have but I’m team free will—“

“—nature versus nurture is a misnomer it’s all a combination of both—“

“I agree.”

Elliott leaned over and Evan put his arm around him. 

“Supernatural?” Elliott asked. Team free will sounded like a reference to the television show. 

“Sheniqua. Hot dudes,” Evan explained. His girlfriend had gotten him watching and they both enjoyed the variety of eye candy. 

Elliott smiled and started to relax. Evan sensed he was thinking that he and Kurt would surely continue to develop shared interests like that. 

Then Elliott sighed.

“Bridge.” 

Evan knew he meant he’d have a lot of work figuring out how to get through this rough spot with Kurt but that he felt it was worth trying. 

“Yeah.”


	35. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! 2+ months and this is the end, with a little epilogue tomorrow. I hope you all enjoyed this crazy ride. I’m definitely planning to do some one-shots in this verse and I’m open to suggestions on those.

It was January 2nd of the new year when the knock came to Kurt’s door.

He looked down at the yoga pants and Hummel Tires and Lube t-shirt he wore, but he wasn’t about to let Elliott get away just so he could change clothes.

He opened the door, his heart choking him.

“Periwinkle,” Elliott blurted. He was breathing a little hard. Kurt had no idea what that meant, but he ushered Elli inside and sat him at the table and brought him a bottle of water.

Elliott drank deeply, then set the bottle down with a clatter, his hands shaking.

“Oh, Elli—“

“It’s the color of fear, to me. Periwinkle. I want... I want you to know things like that.”

Kurt sat down in his other chair. “I...okay. I can remember that, Elli.”

Elliott looked grateful. “I...Kurt, I don’t want to lose you. Do you still want me?”

“Yes! Ohmygod, yes,” Kurt said, swallowing a sob. “I’m so sorry...”

Elliott made a gesture to cut Kurt’s apology short. “I want to understand. I need to understand.”

Kurt took a deep breath. “So do I. When my dad called, and thank you, so much, by the way, he asked some hard questions and I really only have answers to some of them.”

“Okay. Can you, um, lead me though what happened, maybe?”

Nodding, Kurt tried to get his mind to calm so he could recount what he’d experienced.

“So, you saw he was drunk. And jealous.”

Elliott nodded. “When the countdown started, he just looked at me, and... I really thought he was it for me. I mean, when we were together. I thought we’d stay together and that he was The One, capitalized. So when his eyes went all soft, and no one else was watching us anymore, antagonizing, it was that dream, made flesh, all those hopes... He pulled me to him and kissed me, and...”

Elliott’s expression was shadowed darkly and Kurt wished he could tell him something to make him feel better. But all he had was the truth.

“It felt like it always did. I had to kiss him back, it was automatic, and the thought to push him away never even passed my mind.”

The redness rimming Elliott’s beautiful eyes was growing more pronounced, and Kurt shook his head.

“Until I heard your voice. Your calm, beloved voice, Elli, and I was horrified by what I was doing, and so, so ashamed...”

Kurt let his tears fall.

“And I pulled away but I was aware that you had seen that, and I couldn’t face anything. So I ran.”

“Why,” Elliott cleared his throat. “Why do you think he did it?”

“I think he saw me with you, confident enough to tell everyone what I really thought, and he just had to have me back, the me he knew, who couldn’t say no to him.”

Elliott sat up and his gaze sharpened. “Couldn’t say no to him?”

“Things just...they had to be his way. Everyone thinks I’m the control freak, but he called the shots, always couching it in what was best for me, or us. And if I argued, he would get so disappointed, and he’d walk away, sometimes literally. I just learned not to fight it. He was wonderful when things went his way. I don’t even think he knew what he was doing, he just behaved exactly like his parents did.”

“And when you followed his lead and did what he wanted, he was super sweet and affectionate. Complimentary. Maybe giving you gifts?”

Kurt bit his lip and nodded.

“His behavior conditioned you to not only do what he wanted, but to anticipate his needs.”

“Like some kind of trained pet? That’s...” Kurt’s stomach turned at the thought.

“Honey...” Elliott sighed. “Yes, it’s used to train animals, but we respond to it, too. It’s called operant conditioning. It can be...insidious, when it’s used in that kind of situation. Someone who’s gone through that can revert to the preferred behavior even years later.”

“No, I don’t want that! I’m a strong, independent man! I don’t want him to be able to snap his fingers and make me heel!”

“Kurt, honey, just being aware of it is the first step in breaking free. You _are_ strong. You _are_ independent. You won’t fall into line with him without thinking through every reaction now. I know you won’t.”

Kurt’s mind spun, showing him examples from his past of not only Blaine manipulating him, but so many of his friends from glee club.

“They all did it. Even Finn. When I had a crush on him he was so mean to me, and then when I stopped acting on my feelings, he became...my brother,” Kurt broke down and cried, and Elliott moved closer and wrapped his arms around him. “My opinions on our performances... I learned to just keep it to myself and do what they wanted. Even when I tried to be stubborn and push, they ground me down. Elli, why did I let them do that to me?!”

“I don’t know. Maybe you were just so lonely you would take anything and be any way to not be alone. But I don’t get why you wanted to go back and see them again, to reconnect. Except maybe you felt yourself changing and change is unknown and frightening, so part of you wanted to crawl back into the cocoon.”

Kurt slowly calmed down.

“Maybe. I don’t know. And... I really want to know. I want to know myself better. Do you think...”

“What, honey? You can ask me anything.”

“Do you think that’s something counseling might help with? Or therapy?”

“Well, yeah. That’s kinda what it’s for.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Not all of us are as open and self-aware as you, Elli! I’m just starting to realize just how much I do that’s automatic.”

“You and everyone else. It’s okay. Don’t get down on yourself for having learned behaviors. Learned behavior is what makes you pee in a toilet and wear pants in public.”

Kurt laughed. “Okay. I’ll try not to be mad at myself. I’m just... Therapy sounds...scary. Would you come with? Maybe for the first meeting or something?”

“Yes, love. I’m very supportive of you learning not to kiss your ex.”

“Hey!” Kurt protested, laughing. Then he shook his head. “Damn, I guess that’s fair.”

Elliott’s expression smoothed to seriousness.

“I love you, Kurt. I want to be with you.”

Kurt sniffed and stroked his fingers over Elliott’s cheek.

“Yes. I think that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”


	36. Blending

Epilogue 

“—guess the real reason you invited us was so we could help you move,” Burt said, grumbling with a twinkle of humor in his eyes. He set down one of the last boxes from Kurt’s old apartment. At least the place was so small he hadn’t had much stuff to move this time. 

“I want you to meet Elli’s mom, too. She’s amazing,” Kurt replied, not denying the allegation. He winked at Carole. “You and Betty will get along great. She’s a dynamo of energy, just like you.”

“I look forward to it. Elliott said she’s doing better now that she’s on meds as well as doing therapy,” Carole replied. 

“You...what? Elli!” Kurt turned away and headed for Elliott’s, well, soon to be both of their, bedroom. “You talk to Carole on the phone?”

Elliott looked over his shoulder from where he was wiping out the drawers of his dresser that he’d cleared out for Kurt to use. 

“Yeah. Your dad, too, hon. I love your family.”

“But...”

“You and Evan talk, and I know you had to have called my mom about that recipe you made.”

“I guess, I just...”

Elliott snickered. “Relax. We don’t really talk about you.”

“Much,” Burt qualified from the doorway. 

“Ohmygod, this is so unfair! I’m going to have to get some real dirt on you from Evan to make sure you don’t spill anything compromising,” Kurt said to Elliott, laughing. 

~~*~~

Elliott’s graduation ceremony was typical, but the Hummel-Hudsons, along with Evan and Betty, the twins’ mom, cheered loudly anyway. Evan had another year to go since he’d taken a lighter course load than Elliott when he’d gotten an internship. The combined family talked about having a joint party for Kurt and Evan the following year, and Elliott snuck a look at Kurt when that was brought up. Kurt looked back and positively beamed at him. 

Several of Elliott and Kurt’s friends had joined the families for the celebratory evening, and Kurt was amazed that everyone got along so well. 

Evan’s fiancée Sheniqua ended up bonding with Burt as they discussed everything from football to the motorcycle she was rebuilding. 

Betty and Carole got along famously, and both enjoyed flirting and chatting with Sudi. 

Marley Rose was there, having grown close with Kurt after she witnessed the debacle of New Year’s. She’d called to check on Kurt afterward and they had found that they had much in common with how they dealt with interpersonal difficulties. Kurt liked having someone who understood his need to stand out along with his need for plenty of private time as well. 

There was singing and dancing, drinking and laughing. 

“I’m so proud of you, Elli. Magna Cum Laude, and more scholarships to help with grad school. You’re amazing,” Kurt told his boyfriend. 

“Thank you, honey. Ugh, I don’t even want to think of more years of schooling. Let me just enjoy right now, alright? I’m glad you’re moving in. It’ll save money as well as time traveling between our places.”

“Yes, my love. Those are the practical reasons for moving in. But I hope you know that the real reason is so you’ll be on hand for booty calls day and night.”

“Hey, that’s practical, too,” Elliott said, laughing at how freely Kurt spoke. “I’m going to love knowing that even when we’re crazy busy, we’ll still have this part of our existence in common. Our home.”

Kurt’s eyes sparkled with emotion. “Our home,” he agreed.

~~*~~

The next day, the families were helping Kurt and Elliott get Kurt’s things unpacked and settled. 

Elliott finished unboxing Kurt’s notebooks of his design sketches onto the shelf and heard Kurt encouraging Carole to take home some of the twenty-odd jars of jam Kurt had made. 

“—ended up with forty pounds of strawberries, what else was I supposed to do with them? The photographer was just going to throw them away and there was no way I was going to let them go to waste. I got one of the models, Sebastian, you remember him, from Dalton? Well, he’s at school here in the city and makes extra cash modeling for Parsons students. I convinced him to take about fifteen pounds to a shelter nearby—“

“Only because it was on his way,” Elliott chimed in from his conversation with Evan and Burt.

“Yeah, he’s pretty self absorbed. Anyway, I brought the rest here and made jam. We’ll never eat it all, so please take as much as you want. Just, leave the ones labeled Elli Jelly.”

“Elli Jelly?” Carole asked, and Betty cracked up. 

Kurt’s ears turned pink. “Yes, he likes tough jelly, so those are his.”

Betty went to her son and hugged him from behind. Elliott smiled, feeling contented in a way he’d only ever hoped to feel. 

“He’s a keeper. You know that, right?” His mom said. 

Elliott looked at Kurt over his shoulder and they shared a smile. Things weren’t perfect between them, but they had gotten through a very difficult time at the first of the year and were stronger for it. 

“Yeah. Definitely a keeper.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to give a shout out to everyone who’s read and left kudos for this, and big thanks to NikiJuly17th and delightful_fear for commenting on every chapter for both versions of this story! I feel like we’ve run a marathon together or something. A special thank you to elle_delajoie for the impassioned comments, and to lesbiannaisanna, letsgoforacoffee, and i-hate-mosquitoes from ff.net for giving this a shot. 
> 
> I will be coming back to this verse in the future, so I’ve put the two parts of the original story into a series in case anyone wants to just subscribe to that. 
> 
> I think I’ve found some inspiration and passion for writing again, so hopefully this coming year will bring lots more words your way. Next up is a prompted Kurtbastian idea.


End file.
